I made a bus full of teenagers cringe whilst pissing myself laughing
Mate of mine is a Nordie - this means he's from Northern Ireland. We live in the west of Ireland but I'm from the east. We all have fairly distinctive accents, the Nordie more so than most.

We spend quite a bit of time in one anothers company due to a mutual love of alcohol. My love of coupling food with alcohol results in the fucker getting fed quite often.

This has led to some ribbing from colleagues regarding the nature of our relationship.

Basically, Im the bitch.

So, a room has recently become available in the house where I live and yer man has decided he wants to move in.

Grand - he can start paying for his food and the satellite television he has been watching for free for the past five months, thinks I.

So we're on a bus on saturday afternoon heading to town. I hate the bus. It was his idea. I wanted to get a taxi but he's too skint/mean to pay for it.

He sufficiently audibly says on a bus load of youngsters,

"baz, when I move in to yer gaf, are you going to do my washin'?"

I chuckled.
He laughed.

"Do yooz have a tumble dryer?", he then adds, in his distinctive Derry drawl.

"Aye", says I, "But you cant use it", in my well-to-do Dublin brogue.

"Why nat?" says he, in his unmistakably Ulster twang.

And this is where the cringing begun.

My mate is a Derry (not Londonderry) Catholic Nordie all-singing, all-dancing, all-drinking, shouting and fighting, my-brother-lived-in-a-squat-in-Landan-wi'-Jarry Kahnlan, 32-county Irishman of the highest order - you do not disparage his paddywhack credentials or suggest for one nanosecond that he is a subject of the crown.

But he'd gone too far that day, so I said,

"My tumble dryer's only for real Irishmen"

Gasps were heard and a few people muttered in shock, "Jaysus", "holy shit", "this is going to kick off".

Some well-meaning Limerickian even ventured, "ah we're all Irishmen here".

This was deliciously hyprocritical given Limerick people are the most provincial inward-looking people you have ever met - do NOT start me off on Munster rugby.

Yer man and meself proceeded to break our bollixes laughing and the sigh of relief on the bus was audible.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 10:19, 1 reply)

haha!
for the "my-brother-lived-in-a-squat-in-Landan-wi'-Jarry Kahnlan". Those visions of a United Ireland: the 32 counties, Kilburn, Cricklewood and Boston.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 10:24, closed)