Mmm.... sexy goodness
A little while ago I mentioned a spectactularly failed attempt at my first threesome, and to fill you in on the details (for anyone who didn't read it), this is how that night transpired;

A friend of a friend of mine was having a house party, only because we were all spotty little 17 year old geeks, there were only two girls there.
The first was the blonde sister of the host, and essentially she was a pasty, anaemic midget, who looked like, and had the mannerisms of, a possessed puppet. The second was the girlfriend of another guy at the party, and she looked like Grotbags's little sister.

I set myself down in an armchair for the night, and decided not to move once I'd got there. I casually swigged Vladivar vodka for six hours or so, and then everybody but the two girls went to bed.

They approached me. They sat down on the arms of the chair. Grotbags leaned down to kiss me as the anaemic puppet started to undo the buttons on my shirt.
I'd have to say that if it wasn't for the overpowering stench of Marlboro lights on her breath, I'd have probably enjoyed that kiss. After all, I thought I was on a promise, and a threesome's a threesome.

As I kissed the wide-toothed whale, the blonde Jimmy Krankie began to painfully pluck at my chest hair, and I liked it. Then her hands felt their way down my stomach, to just inside the top of my boxers, and I let out a little gasp of pleasure as I anticipated what was coming next.

It was at this point I noticed Leo Sayer standing by the door in the dark in his dressing gown (ok, it wasn't the real Leo Sayer, it was the midget's Mum, but she did have a big afro).
'What do you think you lot are doing?' she asked earnestly, and my two companions scarpered with nary a goodbye.

That's not the cringiest part of the story though, a couple of weeks later I was back at the same house, only this time I got obliterated very quickly, as I seemed to be the only one who was drinking that night.

Midget-girl and Tubba McLardo were there again, and those devious harpies told me that they would 'get their revenge' for what had happened. I wasn't quite sure exactly what I had done wrong, but as I said, I got annihilated on the sauce, and ended up being put to bed very early in the evening.

The next day I awoke on a mattress on the floor, with my jeans undone, dirty looking tissues everywhere, and absolutely no recollection of what had happened.

I went downstairs for breakfast, only to be greeted with stony silence from the other party-goers that were there.
'What's up?' I asked, and everybody glared at me.

The host took me to one side, and explained how he had walked in on his sister and her friend pulling my trousers off, while taking pictures of me in my unconscious state, in all sorts of unflattering positions.
'Oh fuck,' I said in disbelief, '...yeah right, if you've seen my arse, what does it look like?'

He gulped as though recalling something deeply unsavoury, 'My God,' he replied, 'it's just so hairy'.

Fucksocks.

Disclaimer: I have since discovered the joys of waxing
...and if you ever see any pictures of me on the internet, playing with my own cock in a drunken stupor, and that cock isn't dressed up as Hitler or a superhero, then you'll know that this story is 100% true
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:57, 8 replies)

Click
Like it... but why the hell do you wax your arse? Everyone knows the lay-dees love a hairy arse... dont they??? Fuck!!!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:53, closed)

Good lordy they do not!
I'm a hairy old twunt, so the shoulders, stomach and backside all get a good waxing, usually whenever I see Mrs Monkeysex.

I haven't seen her in two months though, so I'm currently hairier than Brian Blessed's cock.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:57, closed)

hmmm
My shoulders are slowly going pubic, but hopefully the back wont (who am I kidding?).
But I've not found a lady who was really turned off by the hair. The current one loves it (strange lady).
I'm not sure I could stand an arse wax.
Where do you stop?! My cheeks are fluffy too :)
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:37, closed)

My hairiness is spreading
sometimes I do the whole lot, legs, arse, back, shoulders, but I always leave the chest. Some women REALLY like a hairy chest, and I had an ex who called my backside 'peachy', unfortunately now though it's a hell of a lot more hairier and thickerer.

If the current Mrs ever saw me in my natural state she'd run a mile.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:45, closed)

I fail to understand how that could be considered your fault though - was the stony silence aimed at you?
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:37, closed)

It certainly was
I'm pretty sure they all thought it was my fault for getting so drunk in the first place.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:43, closed)

Click for Mr Monkeysex.
I once dated a girl with a hairier bum than me (fact).
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:30, closed)

small voice
I kind of like hairy bums....
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 18:20, closed)