School cringe 2
As mentioned in cringe 1 below I was lucky enough to be sent away to boarding school. I say lucky, as since I already lived on a quiet street on a military base I wasn't in much danger from the opposite sex, but this masterstroke of my parents' ensured I was completely safe until Sixth Form (which was mixed). As a result I was pretty naive and clueless when it came to wimmin, and it wasn't until my dad's boss's 18-year old daughter pounced on 16-year old me at a barbecue at half-term that I properly "got off with a girl". Reesult!

Back at school I was soon bragging about my conquest to my Fifth Form mates, but it was a slightly perverted Dutch bloke in the Lower Sixth who wanted all the gruesome details.

"Did you finger her?" Not fully understanding what he meant, I explained that, well, I had put my hand up her shirt and had a good old feel. I don't know if he picked up on this, as the next question was "how many fingers?". Seemed like a stupid question to me at the time, but not wanting to call him a retard I just gave him a blank look and said "er, the whole hand" (with a silent "obviously"). Guffaws of laughter from everybody who'd not picked up my initial explanation.

From then until my Lower Sixth tormentors left a year and a bit later, my nickname to them was... Fist Man. Oh yes.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:56, Reply)