Just a quickie as it's so late in the week....
My friend's having Sunday dinner with prim and proper girlfriend and her family - grandparents down to little'uns, the whole clan. Being rather upset by some antics of her little brother, the girlfriend utters the immortal

"Oh Jamie, you're such a dildo!"

From the reaction, it was fairly clear that she was the only person who didn't know *exactly* what it meant.


My worst moment would be at graduation day. Everyone has returned to Uni, wearing our finest penguin suits and are seated awaiting our call to the stage. I have a list of all the results results, and I notice that lazy cockmonkey Simon Smith has got a 2:1 and beaten my Desmond (Tutu, I'm old). Turning to my friends "That **** Smith, in no way deserved that, ***** ****!" You get the gist.

The person in front, and his two elderly parents, turned slowly to look at me, and as my shame rose and filled my ears with warm humiliation, I realised that a) "Simon Smith" was not who I thought he was and b) Chance had sat the real Mr Smith in front of me. I can still, 20 years on, see the hurt in his eyes.
(Mousy Tongue ...Generally bemused by life..., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 4:44, 1 reply)

My Gran used to call us Dildoes
Until my I was told to explain to her what it meant. I was fifteen and my Dad was laughing too hard at my offended Mother to do anything and my Mother was too prudish to mention that she did not like her kids called dildoes.

Poor Gran, mind you she was over joyed when she found out I was a lesbian, hmm... I am starting to wonder about my Gran!
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 10:58, closed)