Smells like piss woman
When I have a need for money I can stick it out at crap jobs longer than most. I started with 12 others at Morrisons, and lasted 6 months longer than any of my fellow graduates of the 'how to use a mop' instructional video.

It was during this time on the arse end of the checkouts I became acquainted with one of the regulars, known only to the staff as 'smells like piss woman'. Most Elderly people like to get their shopping done during the week, or early in the morning. You know because its quiet. Not SLPW, she loved to come on a Saturday afternoon when it was heaving. One can only assume this was because of a grudge against society and Morrisons in particular. Thongs of shoppers in a packed supermarket would part in her malodorous wake in a manner akin to the red sea parting for Moses.

One particularly hot day she decided that my till would be the best place to go. presumably as the air conditioner above it was broken. There was easily 20 people queuing up with full trolleys, waiting as much as 20 mins to get their hands on BOGOFF pies. I looked up and suddenly this queue of 20 had been reduced to 3, and people were hurrying to join even busier checkouts.

Then the smell hit my nose like a sack of ordure soaked bricks. The air was textured all of a sudden, and in her full stinky glory SLPW was waiting to be served. The first customer didn't even bother to pack his bags he just slung all the stuff back in the trolley and ran to the car park. The woman behind him had turned pale, and was chocking back vomit as she handed over her credit card. SLPW only had a handbasket but tit seemed like an eternity to serve her.

She trundled off to the cafe, leaving me gasping for air. Then an apologetic supervisor loomed over me. "I'm sorry about that willenium, we call her SLPW and shes here every week. Look I'm sorry about this but im going to need you to clean your till.

Apparently she smelled so bad that it was store policy to clean the checkout she had used. I closed my till and spent 5 mins scrubbing it with bleach before anyone would even come near it again. The people who had left my line and were still queuing in nearby tills stared at the whole process with the only sympathy I ever received from customers in that store.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 12:55, 5 replies)

This quote is great
"I'm sorry about that willenium, we call her SLPW and shes here every week. Look I'm sorry about this but im going to need you to clean your till."
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:10, closed)

Yeah
I saw her every other Saturday shift. And she never changed her clothes in 4 months
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:18, closed)

Ewww
Thongs of shoppers?! Doesn't "bare" thinking about...
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:50, closed)

You have my deepest sympathies
There's an old man like that in my neighbourhood. I can always tell when he's been in the supermarket within the last half hour or so, because of the pong. Sometimes he uses public transport, and when he gets on, everybody else gets off. The smell is truly dreadful!
(Raelene, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 14:13, closed)

Vom-tastic!
We had a couple of these when I worked at Sainsburys.

Ahhh the days of inspirational training videos. I particularly liked the "How to Dress" one. Twas a work of art.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 21:23, closed)