I used to work in Tescos cafe
And we got all kinds coming in. The builders would always arrive in the morning for their massive breakfasts and were absolutely stellar guys who were polite, appreciated the fact 15 big breakfasts took a while to prepare and always cleaned up after themselves.

We did also get Mrs Furcoat and her shrivelling husband who would come in every Saturday afternoon for their dinner. Mrs Furcoat always asked to be served by the same girl (I forget her name lets go for Ann), however on once occasion girl was on holiday so I politely informed Mrs Furcoat of this and offered to serve her instead. Begrudgingly they accepted. They wanted "generous" portions, because Ann was nice to them and they always insisted on the meal going in the microwave for a minute "to make sure it's properly hot" (wtf?).

They also always left the table a mess and generally were rude and up their own ass.

The following week Ann was off again, Mrs Furcoat haughtily asked if she was there I said no I was the only one in at the moment (as the person who was supposed to come in was running late). Mrs Furcoat puffed out her chest and said "I'll have lasagne"

I kind of snapped a little. I have a really short fuse when it comes to rude people. However if the situation was repeated I would do everything that follows exactly the same...

I replied with "Lasagne what?"
She shot me a venomous look "lasagne and chips"
Smiling sweetly now (which is bad, I'm not sweet. If I am smiling like this I either want something or am about to be a total bitch) "lasagne and chips what?"
The husband nudged Mrs Furcoat and quietly mumbled "please".

Mrs Furcoat did not like this. Mrs Furcoat yelled across the hot plate of slightly wilted goodies at me "PLEASE, although you should know that I have had cancer and I come here every week to give you business"

Calmly I replied
"Unless it was cancer of the manner gland I suggest you either say please or leave"

Strangely I never saw them again....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:18, 8 replies)

I see now...

That I'll have to mind my 'p's and 'q's around you at the minibash...

*dusts off manners*

'clickety click'
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:28, closed)

*clicks*
Love it.

My friend used to work in a Tesco cafe. There were just two of them working one day, one on the till and one in the kitchen. At one point the guy on the till shouted to the guy in the kitchen, asking how long until something would be ready.

He got a reply different to that he was expecting, of "Argh, it's all on fire! Help me!"

Good times.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:34, closed)

Buy me cider
And I'll be your friend for life :p

Edit: PoD that made me spray water over my keyboard!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:35, closed)

I was laughing for ages when he told me
He also then turned back to the person he was serving, excused himself, and then legged it into the kitchen to see what on earth had happened.

Classic.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:42, closed)

Manners
They cost nothing, but are vitally important.

Great comeback, by the way!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:50, closed)

How did you manage to spell lasagne three different ways?

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:58, closed)

By typing quickly and not bothering to check?
Because I am occasionally very lazy like that.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 16:11, closed)

priceless
cancer of the manners gland. laugh? i nearly took the 2:54 to cullompton where i would have met a man named hubert.
lucky for me i didn't, i'm at work.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 14:37, closed)