my single best ever come-back was not made up by me, but delivered beautifully (if I do say so myself)
Some friends and I were skating at Streatham ice rink (lovely part of the world) and began receiving low-grade hassle from a handful of pikey kids (we were 18-19, they were 15-16 I guess). Apparently we were in "their seats" (about 2 benches out of 100 in a nearly-empty ice rink).

They were bumping us on the ice, shouting stuff and so on, all faintly pathetic. We refused to move on basic principle, and their insults became more laughable. At one point some pig-in-a-wig told us "I'm on the phone to my crew and they're gonna come down strapped and fuck you up." Her threat made less devastating by the fact that her phone, held to her fat, oinking face, was clearly turned off.

Eventually we got up to leave and they produly barged past us and sat down, just as the tannoy annouched "The ice rink is now closed, please make your way out of the building."

Lovely timing.

They followed us to the bus stop, still calling the girls sluts and the guys fags and watched us board the bus. I stood in the doorway and (having had a quick word with the driver) turned to them and said "You aren't getting on."
Lead skank replied "You can't stop me."
to which I reposted "fuck off, darling."
"nice come-back, NOT" she bawled
and I replied, with a smile:
"If I wanted my come back, I'd french-kiss your mum."

She threw a milkshake which hit the closing bus door and splattered back onto her.

Happy days.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 17:26, Reply)