This job'd be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
Years and tears ago when I was but a whey faced hobbledehoy I had the misfortune to be employed in an off license in a small country town.

By and large it was an OK gig, turn up, jockey the till and zone out. After a while I got to know the local turps nudgers - some were blatant as only the chemically dependent can be, others like John, were more subtle.

John would come into the shop at 1001AM bid you good morning and proceed to count out the price of two cans of Kestrel Super from his change bag. This would continue 5 or 6 times in a day - Whether he was trying to give himself or others the illusion that he didn't have a raging drink problem I don't know but as the day progressed he'd become more and more pissed and would enlist the assistance of his ratty but cowed wife for booze acquisition runs.

One night John was evidently in a bit of a state as his wife came in and bought 2 tins of Super and a large packet of dry roast nuts at about 8ish. But calamity! John's wife had bought the wrong sized packet and in he wobbled at about 9PM ....... "YOU SOLD MY WIFE THE WRONG NUTS - I WANT A REFUND!" He bellowed at me.

A conversation ensued which ended up in me pointing out that if he was dissatisfied with his wife's purchases then I would have happily exchanged them for him as he was a regular but as he had actually opened and eaten 3/4 of them so a refund wouldn't be forthcoming. I explained that I didn't spend my time trying to get customers to buy larger bags of nuts in a bid to make more money nor did I actually give a shit what they bought.

John mulled my words through the Readybrek glow of the booze and said "Fair enough son .... I'll just have a couple of cans while I'm here."

I got out a week later
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 16:08, 3 replies)

"Readybrek glow"
heheh my brother spent days looking for his glow after eating that muck, he was so pissed off when he worked out he wouldn't be glowing any time soon!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 16:21, closed)

whey faced hobbledehoy
hehe
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 16:35, closed)

Best bit?
John probably didn't even give a shit about the nuts. In order to conceal his liver-destroying ways, he surrepticiously decided to cloak his endeavours in a fog of 'angry customer' syndrome, THEN buy his two cans of bottom-rung, extra-strength gut-rot 'while he was there'.
(HomeWithTheDownies A towering inferno of penisy pleasure, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 2:52, closed)