Scary bookshop lady
Working at the South Bank bookshop a few years back, we used to get quite a few people in that oughtn't really to have been out and about at all... One I particularly remember was a very earnest woman who seemed quite normal at first. The conversation went along these lines:

Her: Excuse me, I wonder if you could help me at all?
FF: Yes, of course, what can I do for you?
Her: Good, well, I'm a victim of a police crime.
FF: I'm sorry?
Her: Can you hear me? Can you hear what I'm saying?
FF: Yes.
Her: Could you repeat what I was saying?
FF: You're the victim of a police crime.
Her: Yes, you see they've been dubbing my voice.
FF: I'm not sure I understand.
Her: They've been dubbing my voice. You see, I'm talking - can you hear what I'm saying? But I'm being dubbed so that people can't hear what I'm saying. And then they think I'm saying mad things.
FF: Right.
Her: (getting slightly more agitated) And they've been poisoning my food, and poisoning my air, and every time I try to tell someone about it, they dub my voice. Can you repeat what I'm saying?
Manager (coming over): Can I help at all?
Her: (pleased to be getting some proper assistance) Yes, thank you. Can you hear what I'm saying?
FF: I'll leave you to it.

I've always loved this delusion of hers - the perfect example of an unrefutable belief.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:20, 8 replies)

this sounds like
when my mate Huw and I (over a period of some months) tried to drum in to our friend Seb the existence of a disease called Monkey Rapture, the main symptom of which is that you forget that it exists, and are physically and mentally unable to hear people talking about it.

anytime someone else was present and asked what Monkey Rapture was we would go "oh no, you've got it too!"

it seemed as if we managed to convince him, which is a little bad, as he is now a doctor....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:25, closed)

@vipros
How I wish one could do an 'I like this' on replies - that is fucking CLASS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:35, closed)

@Scary
Oh, absolutely, a classic case. And I'm pretty sure the manager called for the South Bank security and they did something sensible. But sadly, I suspect she was a care-in-the-community case who was getting less care and more community.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:36, closed)

Vipros,
You're a wonderful man.

We managed to convince one of our school friends that a machine was being developed that could read human thoughts, and that when it was finished they'd be able to arrest you for "Thought Crime".
(Full credit for the term to George Orwell)

He's now in the Met. Police, and won't talk to us.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:48, closed)

Who is this Vipros you keep replying to?
I can't see anything. Of course, I've been told that I'm suffering from something but I don't know what it's called, so I might have missed it.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:53, closed)

He was
Er...

I... Don't... Know...
( Cawl, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 17:09, closed)

Oh Poor Woman
Care in the community, such a shame when it fails and the mentally ill end up getting more ill and scared. Still made me smile though, coz I am fucking evil and the voices made me do it.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 17:15, closed)