I’m the customer from Heaven…(I think)

As I regularly bombard these illustrious pages with tales of my ever increasing Chinese food addiction, always obtained from my local (sainted) Eastern Star, I tend to gloss over the quality of service I am provided with; and how I in turn try to make their wonderful lives as easy as possible.

Besides being an excellent tipper and always having the exact money available, this is how the telephone order conversation has ‘evolved’ over the years

2 Years ago and before:

ES: “Hello, Eastern Star”
Me: “Hi, I’m like to order some food for delivery please”
ES: “No problem sir, what would you like?”
Me: “I’d like a special Chow Mein, Extra Noodles, A portion of chips and curry sauce please”
ES: “Excellent sir, Can I have your address please?”
Me: “It’s Number 4, ******* Close”
ES: “Very Good sir, It will be there in 20 minutes”

Between 1 and 2 years ago:

ES: “Hello, Eastern Star”
Me: “Hi, I’m like to order some food for delivery please”
ES: “No problem sir, what would you like?”
Me: “I’d like a special Chow Mein, Extra Noodles, A portion of chips and curry sauce please”
ES: “Oh, is that Number 4, ******* Close?”
Me: “Why, yes it is!”
ES: “Very Good sir, It will be there in 20 minutes”

Between 6 months and 1 year ago:

ES: “Hello, Eastern Star”
Me: “Hi, I’m like to order some food for delivery please”
ES: “Number 4? The usual?”
Me: “Yep!”
ES: “20 minutes”

Last six months:

ES: “Hello, Eastern Star”
Me: “Hello!”
ES: “20 minutes”

By next week I want to either trim it down further or I’m going to set up a sort of ‘Bat Signal’ that I can shoot into the night sky, thus saving me the effort of that one word.

What can I say? – I’m a (big, fat) creature of habit
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:53, 10 replies)

At uni
There was an off-licence that I used to go to.

I'd walk in, the man would smile and say "The usual?"

I'd nod, he'd give me two bottles of cheap, high percentage vodka, I'd give him £15, say thanks and walk out.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:02, closed)

It's
almost exactly the same story at my local indian.

I'm sure their delivery car knows the way without a driver.
(dchurch bah, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:07, closed)

This was my undoing once
My mother came to visit me when I was a 'poor, impoverished student' living in (then) trendy Islington (now 'the Faliraki of North London').

As a special treat for her little lamb, wasting away in penury, she took me out to the very excellent Gallipoli on Upper Street for dinner.

'Ah, Mr Boyce!' the enthusiastic front of house chappie bellowed, 'your usual table?'

My mother has been, ahem, dining out on that one for years since...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:15, closed)

What about
a Cat Signal....if teh urban myths are to be believed!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:17, closed)

Similar thing
I was stood in our local chinese takeaway, on the phone to the missus. When I said "what do you want me to get you?" both the missus and the girl behind the counter said "chicken fried rice" in unison. It was a bit freaky from where I was stood.
(ScousersPet, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:34, closed)

Spice india (blandford)
yep - me too.

"Hello can i order food for delivery please"
"Yes - chicken chilli massala, king prawn balti bhuna, one rice, kulcha naan and will mr bazza have a peshwari or keema naan with his onion bhaji side?"
"Peshwari tonight"
"good choice,at 134 or are you at the Drax Arms tonight" (yes - they deliver to my local!)
"134 please"
"45 minutes" (we live in the country you see)

All my mates laughed at the christmas card we got from them!
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:11, closed)

@Monty
mmmmm, Gallipoli. I was there but a week ago for dinner. Lurvery food.

*slavers*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:27, closed)

me too...
Im customer number 7 at the indian.

Just phone up,

Hello, number 7 here.

Usual

Please

40 mins

Great
(Lanceuppercut, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 3:51, closed)

Yup - us too
except its the kebab shop that delivers (in a spanking new Merc). He's started bringing bits for the dogs now
(conanow, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 12:34, closed)