Directory Enquiries
8 years ago, before the 118 days when BT 192 pwned directory enquiries, I was working in the Aberystwyth call centre.

I worked the 4pm - 2am shifts. It was a skeleton crew which frequently suffered the nightmare calls: drunkards asking for "any taxi company" in their area (which was forbidden as it was deemed favouritism/advertising, regardless of whether or not you took it upon yourself to provide a different company each time - the customer HAD to provide a company name); the suicide threats; the abusive calls; the wrong numbers ( ! ); the conspiracy theorists gibbering down the receivers in their tin-foil hats, demanding to speak to the Prime Minister... you name it.

All of which was inevitably more common on Fridays and Saturdays. Fridays and Saturdays were 8-hour stints of Customers From Hell.


One of the most bizarre calls I ever had was on a Friday night, when a worse-for-wear gentleman from the Valleys phoned up from a call-box asking to be put through to the operator. At this time we didn't have the facilities available to put customers through to another line:



Me: I'm sorry, sir, we don't have the facilities available to put customers through to another line, but if you--

Valleys Man: Jus' put me through to the operator, butt, will you?

Me: We can't do that, sir, but you can reach the operator on 100. It's a free service--

VM: Put me through, like!

Me: As I said earlier, sir, we don't have that facility, but if you replace the handset and dial 100 you'll get the operator.

VM: I don't know numbers.

(Pause)

Me: ...I'm sorry?

VM: I don't know numbers.

Me: What do you mean you "don't know numbers"?

VM: I can't tell the numbers apart.

Me: So how the hell did you manage to dial 192 then??

VM: Ah... fuck it.

(Pause. Receiver clatters. Buttons are pressed)

Hello?

Me: ...Hello.

VM: Can I get a taxi from the phone box in Abercynon, please?
(LLPaulJ 's momma said knock you out, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:43, Reply)