Libraries - Part 6
Mr Hitler. Actually, this post could well double up as a missing persons plea/answer thing, because I'm convinced he has a family and kids somewhere. This is a bit of a long one.

Every summer in the library we get our summer nutter. They usually come in for a few weeks, amuse us with their weirdness and bugger off. There was The Moonwalker, who randomly shouted "bloody hell" and did Michael Jackson dance moves. There was Christmas Decoration Man, who dressed like a count, save for the fact he stuck cheap plastic Christmas decorations to himself. But 2 years ago we got one who just won't go away.

According to his driving license, he's from Dorset. He wears a very obvious and bad black wig, and a fake moustache that is on some days and not others. I think he has two, since one makes him look like Hitler, the other makes him look more like Gomez from the Adams family. He started out as an annoying kook who wanted 8 hours a day on the internet, but as the years have gone by he gets curioser and curioser.

At 9.41 every morning the alarm on his phone goes off, which he takes as a call. There's nobody on the phone but every day he has a pretend conversation regarding a job offer that pays £250k a year, and he tries to knock them up since he was on £500k a year when he was manager of all the banks in Dubai. This itself is pretty standard crazy person fodder, save for the fact he does actually appear to have money - I've seen him driving around in a fancy car.

He's also a religious nut. Remember the floods last year? Apparently that was Jesus getting in through the rain drops to kill us all. Oh, and every day we get the same blarb - "I simply must get online, I have 1,231 emails to answer". He actually does, I looked once. But 3% comprise of emails from a psychiatrist and the other 97% are offering to make his cock larger with cheap viagra, make him a doctor, a minister etc etc.

I once overheard him tell someone he'd been set upon by "11 criminals who broke 7 of his bones" (I guess the other 4 were filming it). His behavior is getting more and more odd. He used to come in dressed in a pressed suit every day - now he wears hobo pants. He also has a child's Postman Pat umbrella which he is very possessive of. I'm convinced he's going to kill us all soon.

I have 3 theories on him:

1: He was a super rich businessman who lost the plot and fled here.

2: He was legitimately beaten up, it scared him quite literally silly and now he's in disguise and hiding here.

3: He's Gary Glitter. He was from Dorest originally, dontcha know.

If this rings any bells a)Do let me know and b) Sorry if I've been rude about your missing grandad or something

Length? I called China to see where it ended and they've not gotten back to me yet.
(GONEism, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:23, Reply)