I love my customers :/
Baked Beans Woman: POS states that the 4 packs of tins are on offer, not singles. Do not call me cocky when I have repeated over and over that you have read it wrong, you are dim, and it isn’t misleading. “Come in and see Management”, in other words fuck off and get a life because none of you EVER come back.

Custard Man: Signage has a pretty picture with “apple pie + custard” on it. This does not mean that they are on offer together. He then proceeds to march up and down outside the store glaring at us through the windows. He buys beer, sell by date must be read out to him, am I sure that’s right? No, I’m lying you arsehole. He still randomly glares at us through the windows. We are very patronising to him. He deserves it.

Bat in the Hat: Buys chicken salad sandwiches, doesn’t eat them, returns them for us to bin. (I know that she also has cupboards full of plastic bags, paper napkins and vinegar – I might feel some pity if she weren’t so rude, ignorant and didn’t have a permanent sneer!) I take great delight in serving her VERY slowly and being painstakingly polite. Hah.

Tosser in the Jag: Do NOT come and shout at the member of staff on the till because some helpful customer is refusing to move their car from the loading bay, leaving the delivery lorry parked on the side of the road. There is NOT traffic backed up for miles on the A4. I will remember your stupid personalised number plate and make sure I accidently-on-purpose key your car next time I see it. And don’t come in ten minutes later expecting wonderful service! Twunt. Forgot to mention that he later left his credit card behind, so we cut it up! He came in the following day and I got the pleasure of telling him it was no longer - the look on his face was priceless :D Heehee.

The Shoplifter and his Mother: Psycho bitch from hell, with arsehole son to match. He DID shoplift, I have CCTV evidence with a member of staff who saw him do it. I don’t give a fuck if it was only a 25p sweet, it’s still thieving! I know damn well the police have been round to your house to caution you and you ARE banned from the store, so don’t try and tell me otherwise! And getting Mummy to come and shout abuse at me in front of other customers and staff is not a good idea, especially when I phone boyfriend and Mother in tears who then go to look for said Psycho Bitch! Both banned now :D

Grrrs: People who don’t read the POS and then expect me to run around the store pointing out the fact that they have picked up the wrong thing and then expect it on the offer anyway.

I will not tolerate rude customers; it gives me great satisfaction to make you look like a rude, ignorant twat in front of other people who mostly have the decency to be polite.

I will squash your bread and ignore the pointed looks at the bags, fuck off and do it yourself.

I might work here, but I am not stupid. I am far more intelligent than most of you are anyway. And more polite! It’s not my fault you get served by other staff who ARE dim most of the time.

And paying with a £50 note when we’ve just opened? Sod off.

On the upside I do have lots of lovely customers who make up for all the shitty ones. Only this morning I was told how nice it was to be served by someone so articulate for a change. I’m wonderful me ;)
(Dregen, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 22:06, Reply)