Wrong end of the stick
When I was about 12, we were watching TV when my Dad turned around to me and said. "Sandettie, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Logie Baird".

Not knowing that Logie Baird was the guy who invented the telly and logically it was the reason I was sitting there, the way my Dad had worded it meant that I thought 'Logie Baird' was a euphemism for copulation and I was about to get an explicit lecture on how babies are made, how to pleasure a woman and how to kill 5 minutes when alone. What made it worse was that a few nights previously, I had managed to make sexy wee for the first time by humping a fold in my duvet and my mind went into red alert and I come to the conclusion that somehow he knew. I couldn't think how though, I couldn't find any evidence on my bedding (immediately afterwards I switched the light on to check) and I hadn't made any noise. Maybe the next day I just carried an air of "guess what I just discovered" about me.

"Hmm?" I said and stood up, "ooh, I need a pee" I lied, most unconvincingly and made for the door, but I was so embarrassed and nervous that my legs went a bit funny and I sort of strutted out the room like a heron with rickets, along the hallway and into the toilet. After about 30 seconds, I came out and went and hid in my room. I lay on my bed for about a minute, my cheeks still burning with shame when I suddenly thought it seemed a bit suspicious running upstairs for no reason. So, as paranoid as I was, I dug my box of Lego out and rattled it about a lot.

That lecture never did materialise and either he was too embarrassed to tell me or he just assumed I'd pick it up elsewhere.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:41, 3 replies)

Haha :)
Bonus clicks for "strutting like a heron with rickets".
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 15:09, closed)

That bit
made me cry a little bit.

*click*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 23:22, closed)

i liked this.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 16:20, closed)