Unfortunately
due to a rather mundane father and a lack of children I don't have much of a story however the moment my first sprog destroys my lovely lady friends mimsy will be the moment I have been looking forward to for quite a while.
Currently children are out of the question due to age, being sensible, other priorities, enjoying my youth and socks being unable to reproduce with humans. When the day comes though I cannot wait to become the type of Dad I'm sure my children will both love and hate. Some of these ideas have become lodged in my brain through B3ta posts, TV shows, People around me and just my general imagination, so no claims of 'Omgdz you iz robbing da internet' please.

Things I look forward to doing;
- Making totally ridiculous and ludicrous stories up and being believed by my young infantile children.
- Pulling stupid jokes and stunts and seeing their reaction. E.G got your nose. 'Oh look a bear!' WHERE!? 'oh no its gone now, you missed it' etc...
- Dancing around singing 'I shagged your mum! I shagged your mum!' whenever I have a slight falling out with them. (I'll leave this till their teenage years I think)
- Just being a general embarrassment purposely, think along the lines of Simon's dad off of The Inbetweeners. Don't watch Yhe Inbetweeners? You should its excellent.
- Wearing a wig/fake moustache/ridiculous clothes when my son or daughter brings their first boyfriend/girlfriend home.
- Meeting all my teenage daughters friends and telling myself that they all fancy me and I could probably pull anyone of them if I wanted to. Spends lots of free time thinking about how all my daughters friends will be going around college telling everyone how attractive I am. (After re-reading this its slightly worrying that I'm turning into a dirty old man already)
- When my children ask where there mum is I shall reply with 'run off with a black man'
- Making weird sacrifices to make them feel better.
crying child 'Dad i've just wee'd myself'
me 'Thats fine we all do it. Look!' *pisses oneself*
crying child becomes happy child. I hope. May need to re access my method of parenting if this doesn't work.
- Answering ridiculous questions with ridiculous answers
- Claiming to be the coolest parent with a constant competition with my wife.
- Being the coolest parent.
- Being able to show off my kids to other people knowing that I wouldn't swap them for the world.
- I'm also looking forward to all the normal soppy things but that's to be expected.

Ideally my children will be something like Ben and Karen from outnumbered. Actually the funniest and cutest kids I've ever seen.

Length? Rest of my life so I've heard. Oh god. What am i getting myself in to?
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:18, 2 replies)

Maybe
one day you'll wake up and there will be a half sock/half human baby under your bed, and it'll run around like Ben from Outnumb3red (brilliant programme that it is), and then you'll spontaneously turn into Simon's dad.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 22:28, closed)

- Being able to show off my kids to other people knowing that I wouldn't swap them for the world.
I currently don't have children, and don't plan on having them for at least five years. Hopefully at that point I will appreciate what people are trying to do when they "show off their kids".
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 10:28, closed)