The short version
Laying in bed next to a completely insane girl I have drunkenly picked up and only later realised is window-licking mad, I'm staring into the darkness waiting for morning to arrive so I can get her the hell out of my bed, room, house and life.
She gets up, walks out of the room (off to the loo, I think) and then I hear the unmistakable sounds of kitchen drawers being opened.
She returns and climbs back into bed.
I lasted about five minutes, laying as still as possible, thinking "Did she just go and get a kitchen knife? I think she just went and got a kitchen knife! Nah, she didn't get a kitchen knife? She did! She did get a kitchen knife! Don't be stupid, she wouldn't have got a kitchen knife" etc etc until I finally cracked.
I jumped up, turned on the light and tore back the bed clothes.
No knife, just the same loon laying there blinking at me and asking what was wrong.
Nothing, says I and the light goes off.
And I spent the next three hours huddled in the dark as far from her as possible listening for any knife-like sounds.
The worst. Night. Ever.
( difficultchild, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 6:48, 1 reply)

You have my click
for 'window licking mad'. Nice.
(berk, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 10:16, closed)