Heterosexual Manoeuvres in the Dark
I was in the Air Cadets. Because we were so hard and straight and cool, we would go on weekend exercises which essentially involved running about in the dark shouting "Na na na na nana!" like Private Pike with a Tommy Gun.

Our Commanding Officer was also hard and straight and cool, and would often lead the charge, chucking thunderflashes around in a way that made a complete mockery of the firework code.

That was, alas, until he fell deeply in love.

All of a sudden, he was no longer leading from the front because he'd brought his bird with him, and they were canoodling somewhere in the car park.

Night would fall, and instead of bivvying with the rest of us, he set up a disgustingly luxurious tent a discrete distance away from the main camp.

It's amazing how well you can sleep under an old parachute, in a field in the middle of nowhere, shrouded in the dark of a clouded, moonless night.

It's also amazing how well sound travels. Particularly when it is the sound of our CO and his lady friend going at it, doggy-style in their tent, not fifty yards away.

We knew this because they had a torch in their palace of luxury, and they were lit up like a Chinese shadow theatre, the only thing visible for miles around as he plunged his beef bayonet home into her willing ...er... yes.

Being a charitable sort of chap, I roused my comrades from their slumber and watched – as rapt as teenagers could be – the act of two consenting adults doing the actual sex with each other.

They finished.

We cheered.

We got called a "shower of bastards" and the light went out, plunging the entire campsite into darkness.

Across the field came the words "Where's the fucking tissues?" before silence once again ruled.

It was sausages for breakfast.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 11:33, 4 replies)

It was sausages for breakfast
Priceless! And the title deserves a click on its own! Great! Ha! !!!!!!!!!! fuck it, lets have some more !!!!!!!!!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 11:36, closed)

hee hee
bonus clicks for "lit up like a Chinese shadow theatre" :)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 12:49, closed)

That last line makes it.
*clicks until RSI sets in*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:44, closed)

"Where's the fucking tissues?"
does it for me :)

have a click!
(Atomised teabagged your mum on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 23:57, closed)