Paramedics in the dark at the foot of the bed…
About 18 months ago I was woken up about in the pitch dark at about 5am to find to paramedics stood at the foot of my bed. Feeling slightly befuddled I thought that inviting two uniformed strangers in to the passion pit was an unusual way for my then girlfriend to spice up our sex life.

The then Ms Battered had apparently been woken from her (probably drunken) slumber by me having a full grand mal tonic clonic seizure in my sleep. And then a second one whilst she was on the phone calling an ambulance. To my knowledge I had never had this happen before (though I have since – when awake too).

Cue the paramedics asking me allsorts of questions to access how brainfucked I was – apparently the list when something like this:

Paramedic: What year is it Battered?
Battered: 1989

Paramedic: Who is the Prime Minister?
Battered: Thatcher. The bitch.

Paramedic: What did you do yesterday Battered?
Battered: Cooked an amazing roast pheasant

Paramedic: Done any drugs Battered?
Battered: Unfortunately not.

Paramedic: I think you’d better come with us…

Despite feeling pretty shite I still remember the embarrassment of being led out of my house in to an ambulance which was parked in the dark outside with it’s blue lights flashing illuminating half the road & probably annoying most of my neighbours. (Flashing lights in front of a suspected epileptic – interesting idea).

It took me a few weeks for me to be ok going to sleep in the dark again without fearing that I would have another fit. It took a similar amount of time for my then gf to decide she wasn’t prepared to carrying living with a suspected epi & to fuck off – I never worked out if that was because I wasn’t prepared to share my bed to with two blokes in uniforms or because I was apparently a “fucking wimp” for being afraid to sleep in the dark.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 10:19, 4 replies)

Better off without her then
...silly tart.

Sorry if that offends - not keen on those who bail on that sort of shit.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 10:59, closed)

Quite right...
it said a lot about her I think
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 11:02, closed)

I can't believe she dumped you like that.
Not all women are that horrible.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 11:11, closed)

I like to think
that she is the exception to the rule & 99.999999% of other women are not like that. One thing is clear - I have been MUCH happier since she fucked off - wish I had binned her off quite some time for any of that happened. If there is ever a QOTW on the worst relationships I will have quite a lot to post!
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 12:40, closed)