Caves and watersports.
I grew up near a place called Chislehurst Caves – 22 miles of unlit man made tunnels with all sorts of spooky things like haunted underground lakes and druid altars that you wander around carrying old oil lamps. Perfect place as a teenage boy to take their new girlfriend. Scare the bejesus out of her so you can put a manly arm around her and try to cop a feel. At least this was the theory I was going with one Sunday afternoon with the object of my 15 year old lust who I shall call X.

We were about half way through the tour when the guide wanted to demonstrate the size of the caves and how echoes rumble through them. He left us for a moment and disappeared around a corner. A couple of moments later there was a very loud bang, instantly followed by X collapsing on the floor with fright. At that moment I thought the date probably wasn’t going too well as I saw the look of embarrassment, fear and anger she gave me, but I was still hopeful for a bit of ‘there there, I’ll protect you’ style comforting when she calmed down a bit.

Then the guide took everyone’s lanterns away so that the only source of light was his torch. Which he then turned off to demonstrate the pitch black nature of the caves. I was pondering whether this was a good opportunity to grab a handful of boob (I was all romance back then) when the torch snapped back on. The guide was right in front of X and shouted ‘boo!’ as he lit up his face. Four things then happened in quick succession. First X screamed, then she slapped the guide, then I laughed, then she slapped me.

The rest of the tour passed uneventfully and I’d resigned myself to the fact that today might not be the day I pop my cherry. As we emerged into the light of the afternoon I noticed that a fifth thing had happened in that moment. She’d done a little bit of wee which had seeped through her jeans. That kind of killed what was left of our fledgling relationship.

I suppose the moral of this story is that although getting a girl scared might be a good way to get a cuddle when you’re a teenager, if she’s of a nervous disposition, don’t literally scare the piss out of her. Tends to have the opposite effect.
(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 13:14, Reply)