Barry Chuckle 0 - Phylum Arthropoda 1
I should have plummetted to a messy, mangled,undignified death on the patio of a $15 a night motel in South Carolina.

It was our seccond or third night in South Carolina and still weeks before i got used to the cockroaches. They were massive. Absoultley massive and they scared the bejaysus out of me.

Our third floor motel room had a balcony with a fence that came up to about my arse, behind that was a straight drop to an unforgiving, melting tarmac street. We all used to sit on this balcony drinking piss poor american beer before we'd go out on the town and woo the local ladys with our sunburnt, sweaty faces.

Anyways..we were sitting around and i noticed the biggest, ugliest, beast of a coackroach just clinging to the wall, no regard for my feelings or for the laws of gravity. I couldn't take my eyes off him and i couldn't relax. My friends didn't mind - reasoning that you cant come to a really hot climate, stay in the shitest little hovel and then get all prissy when it comes to cockroaches. Not me though, i was going to do something about this.

I didnt want to squish him because of that stuff about them laying eggs so i went for the old areosol-and-lighter combo. I put a tie around my head and ash tray ash on my cheeks so that i would look like John Rambo.
I crept up, my heart was beating and i was sweating a little more than usual, i could see his antennae moving around, i could almost see my reflection in his black exoskeleton. At any minute he would just jump at my face and destroy my life. *click* - lighter flame is lit and the lynx can poised *WHOOOOSH* our nemesis is engulfed. Now, I was kind of expecting him to just stay there and take it, to admit defeat and burn.Instead he just dropped, obviously he dropped, this caught me off guard and I jumped backwards with fright, straight onto the fence where I fell at an almost 90 degree angle over the balcony my arse resting on the ledge and legs in the air. My friend grabbed my knees and tilted me back on my feet. I went pale, I looked down at the ground about 30 feet below where the lynx can had fallen - that could have been me, I looked at my friends, all wide eyed and jaws agape, then I looked at the cockroach scuttling away into the woodwork unscathed and laughing his balls off.

To say i was shaken would be an understatement and I felt damn stupid finishing my drink with my Rambo headband and war paint on.

He was *THIS* big.
(BarryChuckle, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 12:14, 1 reply)

You know, that's not an impressive size of cockroach.
*zooms in*

OH GOOD GOD IT'S HUGE!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 12:20, closed)