THE worst date in history
Part One (apologies for my HUGE length phnar phnar - feel free to skip this post if you don't have half an hour to read it)

Not having the time, energy or finances to spend my life in bars trying to pick up guys, I sometimes use an internet dating site which has (in some cases) been very successful
After a couple of weeks of chatting to one particular guy, I agreed to meet him (on the shallow basis that i kind of liked his pictures, knew he was a loaded lawyer and didn't find his personality TOO disagreeable)

I arrive at pre-arranged meeting place (fortunately a bar) at 8 pm. I look around for this handsome stranger to approach me but all i can see is mingers. Eventually, my mobile phone rings - as i look across the bar i see another guy on the phone who is *ok* - not great, but ok so finally the penny drops and i introduce myself. Ok, so the pictures he sent me were very flattering (i believe some photo-shopping may have been involved but can't prove anything)

The only problem is that the guy seems to have had a TOTAL personality bypass... After about half an hour of struggling to get any conversation out of him, as luck would have it a couple of friends of mine arrive at the bar... The conundrum is do i introduce him and suffer the embarrassment of being seen with a potential minger, or do we go somewhere else hoping they won't see? Biting the bullet, i grab their attention and introduce the guy. The gods must have been smiling on me, as the guy in question offers to go to the bar to get us all a drink...

While he is there, we run out of the door never to be seen of again

Or so i thought.

Cue 'ignoring phone / text messages, changing email addresses etc'

*Part 2*

Not having learned my lesson from the previous mistake, i again resort to internet dating about a year or so later and get chatting online to a really nice looking guy who seemed to have quite a lot in common with me. We agree to meet up, so I make my way to london to meet this potential suitor.

It is a full ten minutes into the 'date' before i realise that it is the same guy as in part one of this story. Now comes turmoil. Has he realised who i am? If so, is he too embarrassed to say anything about my previous houdinni act? If not, how do i get out of the situation?

Fortunately, i had the presence of mind to set my mobile phone alarm to go off precisely ten minutes into the date so that it sounds like a phone call for just such an emergency.

Cut to me, making false conversation with imaginary brother about him needing a lift to the hospital.

After an embarrassed 'goodbye, we must do this again some time / i'll call you etc etc' I make my escape hoping for the best.

While I am waiting for my train back to kent from whence i hail, I am approached by the guy offering me a lift to pick my car up so that i can go collect my brother.

I should possibly have mentioned before now to you, dear reader, that i don't even drive.

I do however run very fast.

I'm honestly not as bad a person as this makes me out to be... maybe i am actually.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 20:16, Reply)