Flippin' The Bird
There was a stage in my youth when I reacted to day-to-day provocations on the street by flipping people off. It's amazing just how angry people get when they've been flipped off! It's even better when the situation prevents them from taking proper revenge.

For example, I was once walking down a sidewalk when I passed the driveway exit to a drive-in restaurant. The driver of a car at the drive-up window saw someone he knew and honked his horn. Angered by the loud horn so close to my ears, I flipped him off. Startled by being flipped off for no apparent reason, the driver revved his engine menacingly. I jumped up and down in front of his car and flipped him off again, this time using both hands. Enraged now, he revved his engine to a deafening whine. It was a true spectacle! But his threat to run me over was meaningless, because his car's path was constrained by the driveway's dimensions and I could always step out of his way. Perfect!

But all good things come to an end. One night, a fellow in a large pickup truck grew frustrated because the little VW Bug I was trying to pilot out of a McDonald's parking lot was blocking the lot's entrance. So, he honked his horn. As I drove onto the street, my friend in the passenger seat rolled down his window and flipped off the pickup's driver. Enraged, the driver gave pursuit.

But this time, we were at a disadvantage. The farther we drove from the McDonald's, the farther out into the country we got. In dark country, the laws of the jungle apply. He menaced us, roared past us, threw his vehicle into reverse, stomped on the accelerator, and crushed in the front of my vehicle, before fleeing from the scene.

But not before we recorded his license plate number. Perhaps we could employ the police to exact justice. The laws of the jungle seemed to apply over there too. The sympathetic police officer looked up the license plate number and, amazingly, gave us enough time to carefully memorize the scofflaw's address. But despite repeated surveillance, the pickup truck never appeared at that address. It's another one of those damned laws of the jungle that, if you can't find your prey, you don't eat.

So, these days, when provoked on the street, I smile on the outside, whimper on the inside, and take my complaints to that confessional of last resort, the Internet.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 18:15, 1 reply)

We
take the same precautions in Detroit, sadly. I feel your pain.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 8:27, closed)