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This is a question What was I thinking?

CactusZack tells us: "I stopped dating a girl AFTER she got breast implants. For what reason I do not know, and I still kick myself for this." Tell us about inexplicable decisions that still haunt you.

(, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:58)
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My first boyfriend - a long story
We were in year 11 at school and had been friendly for a couple of years beforehand. We were part of a loose geeky clique and along with my actual undisguised fondness for learning, fondness for heavy metal and general disregard  for boys and fashion generally made me and that group social lepers. But hey, I had been a social leper since primary school.

So we got together as a result that we actually liked each other's company and could talk about stuff like sci-fi and plans for the summer.

  So Steve* and I got together and at first it was fun. Both sets of parents approved (even if our brothers hated it), we spent much time round each others houses and it made us feel good.

 Now I had never bothered much with boys, finding that they eitherwere indifferent or hostile or creeping stalkery, reckoning to hang on to University. But I was surprised at how good he made me feel. 

Now until then most comments made about my appearance were in general negative such that if they were all to be believed I would have resembled Ctullu's younger acne-riddled sister with the personality to match. However I owned a mirror what I actually saw was a short person with long red hair, glasses, a little flat chested (but perfectly formed), well covered and pre-babies a 25" waist. So although I wasn't likely to be on Britain's Top Model I did not resemble a reject from Deliverence which was what a scary number of people at school DID look like. As for Steve he was no oil-painting and slightly overweight but I knew that and he did look presentable when he scrubbed up. Besides I didn't go out for his looks, I went out with him because I felt so good to be myself around someone.

It was the summer of 1995 our GCSEs and we did the usual teenage first love things like promising to stay together for ever etc. I did get to learn about how to refurbish boats ( they were very into boats) and spent 5 weeks in the summer on canal boats with his family and friends. Much running about, swimming in rivers and exploring unexpected corners of England followed. I do recommend trying canal-boating as there are so many places you can only see from the canals but I digress.

But all good things come to an end. I decided to go back home a week before our GCSEs came out, a combination of quitting when ahead and missing things like fridges, baths and ice-cubes all of which are in short supply on a narrowboat. Then the GCSEs came out. I did OK by my standards - 9 A-Cs and in the top 5 of the year while Steve did better than expected, but was he happy? Naahh. I didn't deserve my grades because I was a girl and everybody knows that boys are discriminated against in education.

I didn't think too much about that since he did tend to have the odd bout of paranoia and depression brought on by relentless bullying at school although I thought it was a bit rich aiming it at me. Still we had our post-exam celebrations and I took him on a trip to London where we did the sights of the Big City and he even convinced me he had enjoyed himself.

So sixth form came along and with that the good riddance of the dead-heads and the joys of free periods where we got round to furtive teenage experimentation at my house before anybody else came home. Even with this fun and frolics Steve became more miserable and paranoid. He gave up washing and embarked on a regime of compulsive overeating with predictable results. Naturally I was concerned by this but attempts to get him to come out with me, go to the gym with me along with washing and wearing clothes that still looked like something was wearing them was met with sulking and accusations that wanting to do anything in company was a sign of weakness.

Still the furtive experimentation continued along with the less furtive experimentation of finding out what was wrong with Steve. Que me entering counsellor mode (-a place I have been to too often) where I tried to talk through the problems. This revealed to me that I was irritating, needy ( ie wanting to do things OTHER than clandestine tomfoolery together), demanding and thinking I was smarter than I really was. I agreed I had my faults but strangely when I tried to discuss his faults he was silent.

So I did start a mental tally as to why he was my boyfriend:

1. He is convinced that I am stupid, needy and has ideas above my station.
2. He is critical of my protogoth- metally style of dress while he dressed like a 1970s trainspotter who hadn't washed since then.
3. Critical of MY figure, well BOTH his cleavages were bigger than mine. Not to mention hairier.
4. I have a VERY high embarrassment threshold ( I did LARP for instance) but am getting embarrassed to be seen with him.
5. I am not happy in his company.


So I dumped him. Strangely he was surprised by this? But it turned he was only with me because he wanted to dump the dreaded V-plates then dump me.

*name changed to protect the guilty
(, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 19:54, Reply)

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