When we first got together
Myself and a then new g/f were a tad keen to jump between the sheets at every opportunity, she had apparently been "without" for some considerable amount of time and was keen to catch up on what she'd been missing out on. I was more than happy to oblige, but in retrospect the back of a VW Golf, the loos in a town centre coffee shop and the grounds of a friends wedding reception (Hi Mark and Jo!) were probably a tad OTT. But hey, I wasn't complaining.

Anyway, for some bizarre reason we agreed to abstain for a whole seven days. Just to see if we could. That's complete abstenence, no DIY or anything. All of a sudden, those seven days seemed an awful long time.

Day one required distractions, so I buried myself in a couple of good books. Day three meant I was burning myself out at the gym to calm things down. By day five I began to go cross-eyed and by day six I was scarcely able to concentrate on anything at all. I had become little more than a grunting, drooling troglodyte.

On the evening of day seven I was preparing dinner for two - thankfully the 'rents were on holiday. I was running round the kitchen, boss-eyed with lust and sexual frustration and attempting to unleash a culinary masterpiece. The plan was to entertain said lady with a meal and wine before retiring to the bedroom for and agreeable evening spending of quality time together.

"Knock, knock!"

Jebus... I don't think she got as far as the hallway before we were kissing passionately and hands were a-wondering. Any attempt to cool things down enough to contemplate eating was utterly futile, I have never been so utterly mindbendingly horny in all my life. I don't think my pulse dipped below 120, I was burning god knows how many calories just standing still and trying not to spontaneously combust.

We both staggered into the kitchen where I had intended to serve up, but I failed miserably. Attempting to wield a serving spoon while your other hand is grasping the back of someone's head as you kiss them as if your life depends on it isn't easy.

She ended up pushed against the worktop when I gave up and flung the serving spoon in the sink. I had hold of her head with both hands, grasping palmfulls of hair and damn near hyperventilating as we kissed passionately. I don't quite know how she got there but she ended up sat on the worktop with her legs around my waist, frantically loosening my shirt and tie with her hands.

It doesn't take a leap of imagination to figure what happened next. To be honest, it was as welcome an event as seeing the Prime Minister disembowel himself live on the news at ten, I can't recall the details, just a recollection of utter and complete relief and delight as the deed was done. I have no idea as to the passage of time or much else other than the fact that it was damn nice and I could smell her perfume as my head was buried in the nape of her neck.

However, at some point I had noticed that the kitchen blinds were up and that at 7:30 in the evening probably everyone in the whole street could see her back and my furrowed and sweaty brow. Did that stop me? Did it heck.

Her: "What *pant* about the *gasp* neighbours?"

Me: "Grrrraaaagggghhhhh...."

Her: "Oh, okay then!"

My folks were getting odd looks in the street for weeks.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 16 Nov 2007, 14:13, 6 replies)

In light of frankspencer's absence this afternoon....
....this will have to do.

/unzips fly
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 16 Nov 2007, 14:21, closed)

I would like to congratulate you for not saying "i'll do them next"
when she said "What about the neighbours"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 14:24, closed)

Top Drawer!
...Or should that be 'top shelf'??

*Clicks*

*doffs cap*

*warms up hands*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 14:32, closed)

First class
sound effect...
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 16 Nov 2007, 14:43, closed)

Pooflake
I'm sorry, but PJM wins.

I'll stalk him any day ;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 16:06, closed)

Hat off
I think the above says it all.

But just in case. If i was to meet you near a pub, any pub, i would buy you a drink.

How was the meal by the way?
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Sat 17 Nov 2007, 2:21, closed)