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This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Yikes! Must have smarted a tad.

I was amused by the story of the old chap who suffered badly from haemmorhoids and employed a large, blunt nosed object to force them back whence they came.

The object turned out to be a WW1 artillery shell, which got stuck so a trip to A&E was required. Anyway, the casualty staff suspected - correctly as it turned out - that the shell was still live.

The bomb squad was called out to attend to the shell which was still firmly locked in the old gent's brass eye. They had to build a lead box around his hind quarters for safety reasons (ie to contain the blast) before they could render the sphinctoral shell safe.

One suspects that it was fortunate the old gent in question abstained from the prawn vindaloo the night before...
(, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 12:02, Reply)

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