,,,,
Me and my cousin who I will call Martyn, as it is the name his mother gave him have been good mates since we were kids. We have worked together and gone out drinking together pretty much all our adult lives.

When we were about 18 we were working in a call centre and being the time before minimum wage we were earning the fabulous amount of £2 per hour. working only 18hrs a week this gave us a whopping £36 a week to get drunk, stoned and buy cigarettes out of (after paying board to our parents).

No surprise that we took to stealing peoples cigarettes then.. our favourite trick was to go to my cousins house late at night after his mam and step-dad had gone to bed and raid their ashtray for dumps to pull apart and make 'dump rolies'.

This went well for a while until, annoyed by the fact we would usually leave pulled apart cigarette butts strewn across the living room his step-dad (being a bit of a twunt by nature) decided to start flooding the ashtrays when he went to bed, fun well and truly spoilt!

One night after a drunken night out we went back to my cousins house to play on his Atari ST (tells you how long ago it was) and we did our ritual check of the household Ashtrays and lo and behold there it was !! a full 'rollie' all ready made and sitting in a dry ashtray.

Martyn gleefully light up the gift left by his step-dad and took a nice deep draw. It was at this point he started to cough and complained that it must have been standing a while as it 'just didn't taste right.. never the less free tobacco is free tobacco and he smoked the lot.

The Next morning when Martyn woke up he was greeted by a happier than usual step-dad who asked him "you enjoy that rollie I left you last night son?" "did it taste alright?... I hope so cos I made it something special in there... I pulled out and put in a load of my arse hair!"

I don't know whether the 'desperate comes from us so desperate for nicotine that we were tricked into smoking someone else's 'bum carpet' or whether it was Martyn's Step-dad who was so desperate to be evil?

Are all step-dads evil?.. I had a step-dad too that was a twunt and I am now a step dad myself and I simply cannot help myself from making my 17yr old step-sons life a misery. I like to think of it in a circle of life find of pattern..
(three inches of snarling death, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 11:17, 3 replies)

That's evil...buying his stepson an Atari ST instead of an Amiga.
The horror.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 11:45, closed)

hahahaha
^this
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 12:02, closed)

ST/Amiga
Hey dont blame me.. I waited the extra couple of months and got an Amiga - Supersprint, Goal etc.. oh those were the days my friend.. apart from the smoking of bum hair!
(three inches of snarling death, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 12:07, closed)