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This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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The Corby Groupie
There is told of a mythical piece of tour kit used by musicians in times of ultimate desperation, i.e. when there are no groupies and no porn on the hotel TV (it can happen). Here is the recipe as handed down to me..
A Night in with Miss Corby (serves one),
You open the metal tissue box and take out all the tissues. Hold on to the metal box you’re going need it later. Get the shower cap from the bathroom with all the conditioner and body lotion products. Place the wad of tissues in one hand and with a stiff finger hand, punch through the middle of the wad causing a ragged hole in the middle (can you see where this is going). Place the tissues inside the open shower cap and pour on all the conditioners, lotions etc. Replace the tissues in shower cap and lotions back into the tissue box remembering to ‘fluff’ the tissues up around the edge of the opening.
Next take the box and wedge it into the top of the Corby trouser press (or if in some uncivilised place without trouser press use radiator, heater etc) and turn on. For best results, allegedly, remove trouser press from wall but do not disconnect from power. When tissue box reaches body temperature, in either standing, kneeling or sitting position lower trouser press towards one and 'make love' until satisfied. Fall asleep sated, until the maid enters the room in the morning to discover the vile mess..
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 20:07, 1 reply)
I thought
this was going to be a story about a gig in Northamptonshire...
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 10:19, closed)

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