Desperate TimesStranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.
Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.
What have you done in times of great desperation?
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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I was chatting to a fit birdat a party when I felt the need for a piss. She was in the middle of a long story and I didn't want to be rude and cut her off so I sat there patiently listening to her as the pressure on my bladder increased.
She wouldn't shut up and I was getting to the point where I was in danger of pissing muself so eventually I had to apologise and leg it to the toilet.
I got into the toilet with the piss equivaqlent of a turtles head - a snakes tongue, if you will - but I couldn't find the light switch anywhere. I was desperatly groping the walls for a switch or a cord but, alas, this toilet clearly didn't have a light and I had run out of time.
In pitch blackness I made my way over to where I assumed the toilet was, felt around with my hands and feet until I located it and proceeded to let forth a raging torrent. I was quite sure my aim was right but the noise that was emanating from the toilet was not the usual tinkling, splashing - more a dull thudding noise. Meh. I didn't care, I was just grateful to be relieving myself.
Once finished, I had all the time in the world to find the light and when I eventually managed to turn it on, well....
Turns out the lid was down. I had just unleashed about a litre of warm stinking piss on and around the toilet, but not actually in it. To make matters worse, it had one of those stupid furry covers which had absorbed the lions share of my effluence.
I ripped the cover off, washed it in the sink and then stuffed it behind the toilet. I did my best in cleaning up the rest of the mess and made my way back to the party and the bird that I was talking to earlier. We were getting along famously when, half an hour later, the host of the party turned down the music and asked if anyone knew why the toilet cover was soaking wet and stuffed behind the toilet. I just turned to me new friend, shaking my head, and muttered something along the lines of how people have no respect anymore.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 4:13, 1 reply)
Sodid you cop off?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 7:02, closed)
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