Personnel File
I once found the Personnel file my boss was keeping on me.
It contained emails I'd sent and received, details of my timekeeping (He'd kept a spreadsheet of it all for 2 years), and the coup-de-gras was a 2 page summary of me in which he described me as "an agitator", "without discipline" and "The least likely of the team to succeed because of his inability to stick to what he is told".

So to extract my revenge on him, I hit him over the head when he came out of the toilet, dragged his comatose body into a store room, and tied him to a chair.
As he came round I started playing Steelers Wheel's "Stuck in the middle with you" at him, whilst waving a knife at his ear and liberally dousing him with petrol, laughing in his face at his muffled protestations of innocence.
I waved his report in his face, "Agitator eh?", as I cut his left ear off with the knife.
Tears rolled down his terrified face.

I screwed the report up and put it in his mouth, setting fire to it with my zippo.

I turned on my heels and walked out to the smell of burning clothes and skin, and the muffled screams of a middle management wanker.

That was 7 years ago, and I'm up for parole again soon, if I get out I'll be looking for a job in the Civil Engineering arena. Any offers gratefully received.
(LunarJim, Fri 2 Feb 2007, 11:12, Reply)