You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Other people's diaries » Post 71274 | Search
This is a question Other people's diaries

Never read other people's diaries and email - you'll never find anything nice in there. If it's not just slagging you off, it'll be sordid fantasies you really didn't want to know about, yet have to keep to yourself so as not to reveal how you found out.

So. What have you read 'accidentally' recently?

(, Thu 1 Feb 2007, 15:03)
Pages: Latest, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, ... 1

« Go Back

Jesus' Diary
Not many people know about Jesus' diary, which was found in the caves of Qum'Ran in modern Palestine. Fortunately, I managed to get hold of some copies on Ebay. They make pretty interesting reading.

25th April: I know, I know - the Judeo-Chjristian calendar doesn't yet exist, but it's going to and you'd all better get used to it. Went down the church today for a quick pray and found loads of merchants in there. Well, I went ballistic and kicked 'em all out. That's going to stir it up at the Sanhedrin methinks.

27th April: Bloody Lazarus playing dead again. Every other day his relatives are coming to me and saying he's croaked. This time I whispered in his ear: "If you pull this again, I'll turn your gonads into loaves." Well, he was up like a flash and everyone started yelling "Miracle!" Yeah, blah blah blah ...

29th April - That bloody Judas! We were strolling around in Gethsemane and he wanders up for a quick kiss. "Not in public" I says ... but at that moment all these soldiers appear. The disciples start acting tough but I tell 'em to calm down. Now I'm down the nick.

30th April - Had a word with old Pontius Pilate. He's got OCD, that man. Always washing his bloody hands! Anyway, he wanted me to stop the preaching and I had to tell him no way. That's my bag, mate, I said. So they're gonna nail me up. Had a wafty crank while the guard wasn't looking.

1st May: Made me carry the cross myself, the lazy buggers. Got a bit lippy with 'em and they flogged me good, the swines. Anyhoo, they nailed to the cross and I 'died' and they thrust a bloody spear in me side just to make sure. That stung like a bastard, I'll tell ya.

2nd May - Rolled the stone away and was 'resurrected'. I was bloody starving, so I took a quick detour across the water and this bunch of fisherman started yelling "miracle!" Give me a break, I thought. I just want a cheese sarni. It's tough being the Lord, you know.
(, Fri 2 Feb 2007, 16:16, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, ... 1