number 2
About 3 months after splitting up with my ex (3 months she decided to spend drunkenly turning up at my flat, ringing, texting tellin me how much she loved me etc.) I went round to hers to collect some of my old stuff which our mutual friends (her housemates) had borrowed. She also asked me to have a look at some stuff on her pc (antivirus etc.) and have a crack at validating her flatmates copy of windows (long story). Both of which i dutifully did because i'm a nice person.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I went for a cup of tea and when i came back she had been checking her e-mails and left her inbox open when i came to look a the pc again. I was treated to a whole manner of sordid "what we got up to last night" and "can we do it again sometime" type messages from two (count them) blokes, one of which she worked with and one of which i had never heard of!

Slightly red faced I finished what i had to do and went to work on the housemates pc. On finishing and restarting the pc what should happen but MSN messenger automatically sign in. I carried on working oblivious until a little conversation window opened showing the name of my ex (no doubt in her room upstairs)....

"hey you, has he gone yet? i cant be arsed goin out 2nite and (names of the two new blokes) stil arent around, u fancy comin upstairs when evry1s gone ;)"

This was just about all I could stand so i calmly gathered up my things and went up to her room to say goodbye. On the stairs i paused and considered saying something, formulated some words in my head and turned to knock on the door, which was when i noticed the unopened Freeview box and Friends box sets i had bought for her before we broke up.

Apologies for nothing, the cow caught an STD of fgod knows who and got herseld barred from a good number of bars and clubs in Newcastle in which i have connections.

*Length: The episodes are about half an hour long, about 250 episodes in total, you do the math. Although they are showing Friends non-stop on E4 now!*
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Sun 4 Feb 2007, 8:43, Reply)