When
I was about 8 or 9 I had an excess of earwax build up in my left ear, to the extent that I was starting to lose hearing a little bit, which scared me. I went to the kitchen and told my parents. My mum decided that the best way to clean out my ear would be to warm some water in a spoon and then gently clean my eat out.

In reality, however, given that both of my parents were near blind drunk what actually happened was that they got a bottle of cooking oil, poured some into a teaspoon and heated it over a cigarette lighter for quite some time. I was dubious but was told not to be so childish. As my mum advanced towards me with the teaspoon of very hot oil, her hands spasmed drunkenly, and the oil went over the side of my head and ear.

Turns out that hot cooking oil *really* hurts.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 15:22, 3 replies)

cocking hell
Your mum wouldn't happen to be the same woman who accidently put superglue in her daughter's eyes instead of eye-drops?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 15:47, closed)

Nope
She did throw a pint of milk out of a first floor window at a cat once though. I think she was trying to feed it.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 15:56, closed)

I'm just fetching the number for Childline for you....!

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 18:13, closed)