A local pub for local people..
Ah, uncomfortable pints, don't ya love em? I used to live in Royston Vasey, many years ago. The local pub had free pool and a free juke box on Tuesdays, which says something. The juke box hadn't been updated since the early nineties, so had some early dance classics on there, great for a spot of nostalgia, The Grid's Swamp Thing, Urban cookie collective, etc, etc.

So.. one Tuesday, it started well. Nothing playing, so, up to the juke box, whack on some tracks..then

"You're not putting on any more of that *black* music" are you?"

Erm...nope.. but I fucking am now... Racks mental mind map for all bands with black members.. find a few.. then... on to pool.

This weasel was playing his girlf at pool, winner stays on, she won, I played her next..

Got to a couple of shots from the black.. potential for a snooker, so..

"You going to snooker a woman? Then you're a fucking wanker!"

Hmm. Fluffed that shot.. Stood my ground and won, played him next.. he got progressively pissed, sat down, looking at me daggers, and lit a ciggie.

Then he did that thing, I'd heard of, but never seen..

The cigarette stuck to his lip, and when he came to pull it out of his mouth, all that happened was that his fingers moved along the body of the cig to the glowing tip. His sluggish brain failed to register this for a good couple of seconds until the pain kicked in, and he jumped up, cursing.

I left, safe in the knowledge that I have the Medusa Touch.

"It's not just a damned headache!"
(Countryslicker, Tue 11 Feb 2014, 19:51, 5 replies)

what?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 12 Feb 2014, 8:24, closed)

Think it's a Chinese spambot.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 12 Feb 2014, 8:55, closed)

Its a Star Wars reference.
Isn't it?
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Wed 12 Feb 2014, 10:19, closed)

I think he might be making reference to some old Richard Burton film,
The Medusa Touch, about some uppity telekinetic dude, who drops a church roof on some fundraisers, and tries to detonate the Windscale reactor.

I have no idea how that has anything to do with fictional villages, unattributed racial music-snobbery, the hussling of a bint, or some cack-handed chav.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 12 Feb 2014, 10:11, closed)

you must have a really good view of your colon from there

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 12 Feb 2014, 9:09, closed)