Carrots
At the tender age of 16 after a heavy day's drinking, some friends and I decided to embark upon a trip to Tesco, because we were hungry. What did we buy? A nutritious bag of grated carrots. On our way back home we soon realised that raw carrots indeed do nothing to satisfy the kind of appetite that excessive alcohol consumption brings. We also passed a church on the way back where two of my friends decided to throw the remainder of the bag of carrots in the manner of confetti, because 'Jesus needs carrots!' One word: EH?

Moving on to the age of 17, I now looked old enough to get into clubs rather than getting pissed round friends' houses. Taxis in my area are pretty expensive, so I used to walk (roughly two miles) home after a night out. One Saturday night a friend and I were making our way back to my house. We'd been walking for a good hour and were passing the 24 hour Tesco which isn't far from me. Deciding I desperately needed a piss and was more than a bit peckish we made our way over to the doors, only to find they wouldn't open and that there was a security man inside, shooing us away. 'Outrageous!' thought I. I was quite annoyed, afterall it WAS a 24 hour Tesco and I really DID need to go to the toilet. Anyway, I decided Tesco needed to be punished and seeing as the Sunday papers had already been delivered and were sitting in bundles outside the shop (it was about 4.00 am) I decided to take my revenge by opening up every single bundle of newspapers and taking a copy of each. Before the security guard had noticed I had hopped into a trolley and was being quickly wheeled away by my friend.

I can't remember at which point we lost the trolley, but I had no recollection of the newspaper-stealing incident until I came downstairs the next morning to find my mum deliberating over which of my newspapers she should read with her morning coffee.
( The Helpful Bear, Sat 11 Jun 2005, 14:58, Reply)