pregnancy
My parents found out I'd spent a night in a tent with a girl when I was a teenager and decided that it was high time they told me something which is forever burned into my memory bank.

My mum has only ever been drunk once... the night she got pregnant (I didn't need to ask which time as I'm an only child). The doctors told her that she needed to relax, and the best way to relax is to get pished.

So they lagered her up and set about it (my wife has since embellished this with seedy unfounded details of the positions they used... so much in fact that the word 'dipping' still makes us cringe years later).

Afterwards, she followed the other instruction - climb head first off the end of the bed and keep your legs up on it to help the wiggly little fellas find their goal... for 30 minutes.

Dad went downstairs and watched Match of the Day, another reason I'm an only child I reckon.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:55, 4 replies)

all that trouble just to conceive you
ahhhh.... at least you weren't an accident
(essexfriend, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 14:08, closed)

I know.
I just feel a bit bad that we're hellbent on definitely not having any kids ourselves - all of that effort only for the ungrateful little bastard to discontinue the wonky bloodline.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:14, closed)

They should teach this
in schools.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 23:15, closed)

no...
no they shouldn't. it makes a bit of sick come up just reading about it.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:12, closed)