We had to coax my uncle out of a tree
I'm from one of them huge Scouser families where all the uncles have moustaches, navy tattoos, permed hair and indignant tendencies and all the aunties smoke B&H and have cackling laughs. Family holidays would generally consist of a whole tribe of us taking over a campsite and playing rounders until it got too dark or we got too drunk.

Anyway, one holiday about 6 caravan loads of us were doing our usual barbecue and rounders all day thing, with my dad on homebrew duty, as usual. Instead of the normal 3 litre pop bottles of tame, 5% lager that he usually made, he'd been doing some kin of garage alchemy and produced 5 gallons of 12% bastard bitch brew. We all indulged heavily, even us kids, and after plenty of bickering, shouty laughter and some vomiting here and there, we all packed ourselves off to bed when it went dark.

There was banging on our caravan door around midnight. One of my aunties, in disarray, to report that my uncle had disappeared. So, of course all 15 or so of us scoured the entire campsite calling him for what felt like hours until we found him perched in a tree, hooting like an owl. We tried everything to get him down; coaxing, chucking stones, spreading a sheet out and shouting "jump" (though the sheet was on the ground, so I dunno what good that would have done.) Eventually, he was dragged from the tree and frogmarched back to his caravan, protesting.

An hour later he disappeared again, though this time he was found safely with his head down a toilet.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 11:07, 7 replies)

was that at deeside, by any chance?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 16:34, closed)

oooh, it might have been.
I can't remember cos it was in the mid 80s. It was either North Wales, Shropshire or Cliteroe way.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 18:55, closed)

haven't been camping for ages
last time i went, my cousin and her mate hogged the airbed. i was so cold, i spent the night wide awake in the heated toilet block!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 19:07, closed)

I was petrified that you were going to say you were there
and that I hadn't done the sordid incident justice and that my family are more common, noisy and loutish than I was making out, cos it has stayed in your mind for over 15 years.

So I'm relieved.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 19:19, closed)

you're joking, aren't you?
i once did 3 laps of Secrets dancefloor in a basque, fishnets and suspenders. i think i can out-embarrass your family!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 19:58, closed)

If you're a man, that's pretty impressive
Though my Dad also likes to dress in drag. I won't say what his stage name is.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:21, closed)

if he's a drag artist, i've probably met him

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 16:37, closed)