Clubland...

In the 60's, 70's and most of the 80's, the Working Mans Club was King in the North of England. Almost all males over the age of 18 were a member of a club, and, through affiliation, were allowed access to to any other affiliated clubs in England. In the case of my club, The Buffs, it was many clubs world-wide.

Aside: The Buffs or R.A.O.B to give it it's formal title, stands for Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes. I shit you not.

Now being a club member gave you a few benefits. Really, really, cheap beer. The occasional act you wanted to see for pennies - Jasper Carrot, Little and Large, Jim Bowen, Tommy Cooper et al - they all made their living and perfected their acts playing "The Clubs" before they were famous. It's difficult to over-emphasise how important Working Man's Clubs were, in the North of England in those days.

Anyways. Dad was a clubman through-and-through. He was also a useless, drunken, arsehole but that's only slightly relevant to the story.But what is important is that he was a committee-man. He was ON THE FUCKING COMMITTEE. That meant that, for official committee meetings, he got free beer. And the power to ban members, refuse to book certain acts, sort out club rules, negotiate deals with the Federation Brewery (that was the Brewery completely owned, jointly, by the CAIU. ( look it up you idle bastards...) In short, a committee-man held considerable power and influence in their own little ponds.

Bear with me here - I'm getting to the point....

Obviously, given that my Dad was a committee-man, it follows that with free beer, perks from agents and breweries and pints put "behind the bar" from sycophantic members, my Dad was pissed most nights for free.

Fucking hell - setting up the back-story takes ages. And I've had to miss so much stuff out.....

So, one night, in the late 80's I dropped into The Club. Hadn't seen or talked to Dad in years so thought I'd catch up and see if he was the same homophobic, NIMBY,racist twat that I'd always remembered.

Yup. Found him sitting with a few of his cronies at the back of the men-only bar. He wasn't happy. From 1960 onwards ( the year I was born) he'd ALWAYS been a committee-man. This year he wasn't.

"What the Hell happened?" I asked

"Fucking Russell(his brother, my uncle) stood as well and split the Legless vote."

I pissed myself laughing - he got upset and couldn't give me a kicking as I was twice the size of him - and we never spoke again.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:18, 25 replies)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS.
cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:25, closed)

You Think So?

Gosh. I'm so proud. Somebody thinks a post I made was hilarious.

I feel validated. I feel like someone *understands*.

One second. *Checks google validation index.*

Bollox. A /talker.(Which I find slightly amusing. The vast majority of people from /talk can neither talk nor write. (In the sense that, most of them, can't manage more than one sentences at a time.)

Cheers!
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:45, closed)

"In the sense that, most of them, can't manage more than one sentences at a time."
Oh the ironing!

Cheers.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:47, closed)

the vast majority of qotwers have clearly never actually read /talk.
if you did, you would know that your assertion that nobody who posts there can talk or write is more than slightly amusing.

cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:56, closed)

cheers

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:58, closed)

cheers

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:00, closed)

oh, and while i'm about it, the reason it's called 'talk' is because it's basically a conversation.
conversations usually involve people pausing for breath long enough to let someone else offer a statement or opinion. hence the one-liner nature of it over there. i'm sure at some point /endlessdullselfrighteousness will be created to make space for you to run free in, protected from horrid internet bullies who don't leg it to the rofflecopter every time you post something.

cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:03, closed)

i'm sure talk is great.
I don't have time to follow conversations for an length of time so I enjoy QOTW.

Actually, I enjoyed QOTW; it used to have me laughing out loud. Not so much these days. Where have all the fun posts gone?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:07, closed)

no idea.
i mean, in all fairness, legless' story isn't remotely funny or interesting to anyone outside his immediate family. so i called him on it, and off we go AGAIN on this whole talk v qotw west side story shit that people seem to get so excited about.

cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:09, closed)

I like Legless and I like a lot of his posts
This one, nope, but it was on topic,and someone might enjoy it.

It wasn't absolute fucking shit, or an unfunny lie, or anything like that.

I fully support going after idiots, but surely nothing posts like that would be better left alone? it's not a cry for validation, or support or any other whiny shit.

there are some people who use talk and qotw successfully aren't there?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:12, closed)

Cheers.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:16, closed)

very good
cheers
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:18, closed)

probably. the furry dinosaur springs to mind.
the reason i called legless on this one is that really, it was just so dull i couldn't imagine why he felt it was a worthwhile contribution. and yes, i did it in textbook /talk fashion. i'm just really, really tired of 'old-time' qotwers either moaning on about how it's not like it was in the old days when you could leave your doors unlocked and all that nonsense, or posting brain-meltingly dull/badly written stories and then running off crying if their screen doesn't fill with 'clickities' or 'woo! i like this!' within seconds.

cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:21, closed)

Have a nice cup of tea.
Cheers.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:22, closed)

oh, cheers, i was being all rational there for a minute.
cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:24, closed)

the old days were good, years back...
but then we got loads of whiny, support-me, needy posts, or stuff that was really badly written (although that was fun, sometimes)...

there is quite a lot of flouncing goes on though.

cheers.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:26, closed)

that's a good point, well made.
cheers.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:28, closed)

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 14:41, closed)

making your way on the boards today takes everything you've got
getting away from all these /talkers sure would help a lot
wouldn't you like to get away?
sometimes you want to go
where everybody knows your name
and they never ever flame
you need to go where you can know
the posters are all the same
you need to go where everybody rates your game

cheers
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 14:59, closed)

Dr. S's
White Knight right there.

Share em' out don't be greedy now.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:11, closed)

Cheers!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 13:13, closed)

cheers

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 12:29, closed)

This never happened
it's medically impossible
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 14:04, closed)

stop trolling!
you awful man...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 3 Mar 2011, 15:12, closed)

Good story
Well told.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 14:08, closed)