Had stomach bug for a few days
I'm the sort of bloke who won't go to the doctors, not even if my leg is hanging off (maybe I lied) so when I had a touch of the plops I just thought 'nevermind' and carried on with my sleep-shit-work-shit-eat-shit-work-shit-eat-shit-sleep routine. On the 3rd day I was a pale white colour, couldn't eat or piss properly, stank and to top it off I needed a crap every 15 minutes. I lasted my 12 hour shift and felt my stomach gurgling while I was in the line to clock off but thought, yet again 'nevermind' and proceeded to set off in the direction of the carpark. Upon sitting in my car I felt a warm gravy trickle down my arse cheek and realised I had to get home fast. Bleary eyed and panicking I drove 90+ miles an hour down a country lane and did a 20 minute journey in 7 minutes. I fumbled my key into the door, screaming in agony as my bum nearly gave way and ran towards the downstairs toilet. The screaming woke my mum who came to see what all the fuss was about and was confronted by my bare arse, hands still clawing at the toilet door.
I shat all up my mum, all over the carpet, all over my clothes, in the shower, in the washing basket etc etc.
Turns out I had a serious case of gastro-enteritis and was very, very ill.

Moral of the story, when your body says 'you're ill' see a doctor
(Merrick I cure cats with hammers, Fri 21 Dec 2007, 21:50, 1 reply)

"I shat all up my mum"
Is a sentence that will never, ever leave me. I sort of laughed and vomited at the same time...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 14:59, closed)