Dumb and Festive Double Whammy
So, dear fellow b3tans, let me take you back to exactly one year ago today...(wibbly lines)...Twas the night before christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, because we were all at the pub. Everything had been bought, wrapped, tagged and prepped for dinner. There was nothing else to do except pass the time until Santa turned up, so we enjoyed a few pints at the local. They kicked us out at midnight after we'd all artificially boosted our levels of christmas spirit so, as our large group of twenty odd year old lads split into two to begin the walk home we thought 'what the hell!' and all hugged each other and wished each other a merry christmas.

Our half of the group started fragmenting as the walk continued past our respective houses one by one. Everytime we reached someone's house, they'd hug everyone again and once more wish them all the best and then we'd continue. It was perfect. For that one night every arguement seemed to have been forgotten and we were feeling the festive love and quite happy to share it. I've never felt so much like I was in some Christmassy muppet type film. Finally we reached my house and there are just two of us left. Myself and my closest friend. "Have a great christmas." I said, spreading my arms for one last time, the feeling of good will to all men concentrated on probably the most important person in my life and in one instant the feeling became so strong I told him I loved him. He hugged me back fiercely and I felt at one with the festive world.

But then a tiny spark of sadness crept in. As we hugged in a manly manner, the sides of our faces pressed together, I realised that his ear was incredibly cold. Suddenly my happiness was shattered, surely this freezing ear was ruining this magic christmas moment for him. I desperately wanted to help him. No. I MUST help him before his christmas is ruined. And so, as we stood there at the very start of the christmas morning I calmly turned my head and licked his mother fucking ear lobe like it was the most natural thing to do to another man in the world.

We both instantly became rigid with shock. I heard a confused "Errrrm." and he quickly untangled himself from my arms and took several precautionary steps back. I couldn't begin to explain why it had seemed like a good idea at the time so just stood there with my mouth opening and closing making random noises. "Merry Christmas then..." he muttered and then quickly walked off. I continued to stand there for a good few minutes wondering what in god's name I was thinking before I just burst out laughing and went inside. He was over it by the next day and very much enjoyed telling everyone at the pub the next time we were out. However, I just rang him this very moment and asked if he was coming out with us all again tonight. "Maybe I'll just give it a miss this year...." He said.

So merry christmas to all you b3tans, I truly hope you all have a good one. And if you see me out and about tonight and feel like giving me a chrismassy cuddle, I'd suggest at arms length and very brief. Just in case.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Mon 24 Dec 2007, 14:42, Reply)