You get what you deserve
Last lecture at Uni. Everyones out in the daytime for a proper, full on binge. Money in pocket. I'm game too. Lovely. We start at four and by the time it's eight, I've drunk myself sober. By 10-30, I'm shitfaced once more.

The union is very busy, and we move tables. I find a pack of Marlboro light, result, nab one, toss the packet. A girl, built not unlike a brick shithouse comes over to our table for her fags. I've got one on the go. Tossed em over there, I say.

She can't find em. My friend, seeing trouble from afar, offers to buy her another pack. She spits in his face. Classy lady.

After this, I slap another good mate around the face (I don't remember this until told some days later. The guilt and shame carries on to this day) for saying something I found offensive. Bang out of order.

Kick out time, classy lady is still on the case. Look, you turned down the offer of some more smokes, or the cash, there's no need to be a bitch about it.

Slap.

I feel my teeth vibrate. But no actual pain.
Love you, beer armour.

We talk for a further five minutes (during which, I apparently call her mum a slag). I'm slapped by the girl equivalent of Mike Tyson several times. A large crowd has gathered.

By slap four, I reach up and grab the incoming five across the eyes.

"Don't hit her!" says her mate.

I stagger off at this point. I sleep under a table in the computer centre.

The next day is not the happiest day of my life. Thank fuck they didn't have phone cameras back then.
(teepee_uk sniggers whenever anyone uses the word 'period', Mon 31 Dec 2007, 16:04, Reply)