almost forgot this one
a few years ago, me and my best friend went out for a quiet drink. we went to the local, where we ran into a couple of lads we know. all is going fine and we are having a good time.
come chucking-out time, we decide we haven't had enough to drink just yet, so we get a carry-out from the pub and head back to my mate's bedsit.
gloss over the next 6 hours, the fight and hearing 2 of my mates going at it like rabbits, and we reach 8 a.m the next morning.
it's now time for us to leave, so we head for the front door.
which is locked and bolted.
my friend's neighbour leo had the key but, as we'd had a disagreement* with him a few hours earlier, he'd decided to lock himself in his room and refuse to answer us. we checked all the windows, which were likewise locked. the small panes of glass meant that breaking the windows wouldn't do us much good.
that's when i had my great idea: we'd kick the back door open and climb over the garden wall! brilliant!
we got the door open o.k, but the wall was a different matter. my mates, who were all wearing trainers, had no trouble getting over the wall. i, on the other hand, was wearing 2-inch heeled court shoes and a skirt, not to mention the fact that i'm a fair bit plumper than my mate.
after 5 minutes i was lying flat on top of the wall, clinging on for dear life.
"swing your legs round, i'll catch you" says one of the lads. this sounded like a fine idea, so i swung my legs around and kicked him in the side of the head. this left him dizzy and me hanging off the wall.
i did the only thing i could do: i let go.
my chin hit the top of the wall, skinning itself instantly. both my arms sustained deep scratches all the way down them, due to being used as temporary airbrakes. my knees gouged themselves into the wall, one turning red as it left its skin behind, the other turning green as it picked up a coating of wall moss. i landed cross-legged in the alleyway behind the house, like a seriously injured and dazed buddha.
strange thing is, it didn't hurt until we got to the cafe round the corner and i tried to clean myself up. then it stung like fuck.

*massive fight

length? about 2 weeks to heal and i still haven't lived it down.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 2:56, Reply)