Dead Arm
My girlfriend goes to work early in the morning, and often leaves me, a filthy student, to lie in bed for a few more hours.

One day, just after we'd said our goodbyes, I rolled over and went back to sleep. In doing this I had, unbeknown to me, placed around 10st of myself on my poor left arm.

Cut to around 10:30AM, and I am roused from my slumber. However, there is a problem - I don't appear to be able to move my left arm. It hasn't just gone a bit numb, it has been full on paralysed. This shits me up a little bit, as even though I'm right handed, my left arm is a valued part of my anatomy. After the initial shock had worn away, I began to think about what I should do. Like most men I'm sure, my gut instinct was to go for one of those fabled wanks where because your arm is numb it's like someone else is doing it. Unfortunately my fingers were so paralysed it was impossible to grasp anything, so that plan was out of the window. I eventually decided to investigate whether I'd lost my postural reflexes as well. I dragged my left arm up above the head of my prone body with my right hand, and then let go in order to see if I could maintain my arm's position.

I couldn't. I couldn't right into my face. Furthermore, because my arm was completely dead I was unable to subconsciously slow my arm down on it's descent to my evidently already severely damaged head, so I got punched in the face by gravity first thing in the morning. Fuck you Newton, fuck you...
(Dowbocop, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 1:37, 4 replies)

Just to say
Thanks for making me giggle like a loon at 2:30 am!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 4 Jan 2008, 2:30, closed)

Fucking shame it's too late to make it into the 'Best Of'
You get a click from me anyways
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 4:33, closed)

Click from me too
The pins and needles after a fully paralysed arm are horrendous....
(MrBlue ding!, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 4:44, closed)

well
At least you didn't wake up with both arms paralyzed and your face stuck in the pillow, gasping for air.
Had that happen once...
'tis an odd feeling to pull one's arm by thumb with one's teeth.
(fisherOfApples123 -=destroyer of toilets=-, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 6:33, closed)