I spent a few of my formative years
growing up safe and cosy behind the large fences of a British airbase in Germany. All was well in our little contained community, we had our own outdoor swimming pool, there were shops, a supermarket, a few churches and schools and all the associated periphery of normal life. We also had a little mirror on a stick with a torch on the other end, to check under the car for IRA bombs, but at the time that seemed perfectly normal.
Whilst living there, I picked up the rudiments of the German language, I could go into shops and ask, 'Was costet das?', and introduce myself with a hearty, 'Ich bin elf jahre alt.'

During my stay in Germany I met lots of lovely, if slightly eccentric characters, and you really should believe everything that you saw in Eurotrash, because those crazy Germans sure do love to get naked.
The one who stands out the most though, was Bob. Bob worked with my step-Dad in the base's own little detention centre, and seemed to exist entirely on a diet of seeds and small nuts. He would dart about purposefully (all eccentric people seem to be in a hurry, I'm sure they know something we don't), occasionally barking to himself and muttering obscenities at the sky.
There was one occasion, when he'd been left to guard the detention centre on his own as they only had one inmate who was there for a minor assault charge, when Bob received a shovel to the face, allowing the prisoner to escape. There followed a three-day man hunt, and poor Bob was left with a very sore head.

The main thing that worried me about Bob though, was the eating his little nuts and kibbles, because he didn't buy the stuff from the shops, he'd get those little boxes of Parrot food from the pet store, and munch his way through them.

The first time I caught him digging into his seedy brunch, he turned to me, and, 'Yes, that's right Robert. Ich Essen Trix.'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 13:48, 3 replies)

Worst. Post. Ever.

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 13:54, closed)

Grammar fail
It's 'Ich esse'
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 31 Oct 2008, 20:20, closed)

Suck
my plums
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 10:11, closed)