Who killed Bambi???
I don't know whether or not this fella falls into eccentric or completely mental, but who cares, let's go with it...
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A few years ago, I was sat with my mate Alec in the Globe pub in Sheffield, haunt of many a Hallam University student and thus full of penny-pinching, paying-for-a-water-and-a-packet-of-crisps-with-your-switch-card tax dodgers. Like myself.

Alec was a bit of a drug casualty, uni being his redemption from the lost years in the Peak District. We were having a quiet pint in the Globe when who should walk over but my mate Dull Lee and some kid who obviously knew Alec, but Alec wasn't particularly happy about bumping into.

Said fellow introduced himself as Neil, and seemed a bit edgy for a mate of Dull Lee, because apart from me (of course), most of Dull Lee's mates were equally dull. However Neil was quite definitely Something Else. For one, Alec called him 'Bambi' for some reason.

It turned out that Alec was once out in the Peaks on some drug odyssey, when Neil was part of his gang. Whilst on some particularly strong acid, Neil had a bad reaction, which resulted in him setting fire to the whole party camp and screaming 'WHO KILLED BAMBI, WHO KILLED BAMBI???'. And lo, on this day, Neil was crowned Bambi. 'You'll have to watch him', Alec proclaimed to me, 'he's a bit eccentric'...

During my first year at uni me and Dull Lee took on the student stereotype with abandon - there wasn't a night were I wasn't some drunken mess and often Lee would be in the same state. It was him who introduced me to the finer points of decent vodka and it will be him who I'll blame when I die of cirrhosis of the liver too. Anyway...

As such adventures progressed, Neil became more and more involved. At first, Neil's antics were quite funny - getting kicked out of the union for turning three tables into a bodyslide by pouring beer all over them and taking a running jump; pulling the most amazing women just by looking at them (honestly); various party tricks.

But then, to paraphrase Stephen Patrick Morrissey, the joke wasn't funny anymore. We were starting to get properly barred from places - I once walked out of the toilet in the (then) Emporium to witness a full-scale riot unfolding thanks to Neil touching up a bruiser's missus.

I was nearly arrested thanks to Neil having a 'moment' in a kebab shop with the Plod watching outside. This was the end of my tolerance of Neil, and I told Dull Lee this on the run-up to my birthday.

My birthday came, and all my mates showed up, a great sight for me as I have mates from a lot of diverse backgrounds and interests, to see them all together and actually getting on gave me a warm feeling...

...which was nipped in the bud as soon as Dull Lee walked in. Yes, that's right, he'd brought Neil. Neil promptly proceeded to wreck the whole show. He scared off a girl I was working my magic on by telling her of the aformentioned antics, seeming to take great delight in explaining how I'd had to punch someone to allow Neil and Dull Lee to disappear into the night whilst the riot was kicking off, thus painting me as a thug infront of the lovely waif-like creature. He seriously offended an Asian friend of mine by calling him a terrorist, and basically, the atmosphere was dead thanks to this loonbong.

I lost my rag with Neil, who then equally lost it and in a vain attempt to 'impress the crowd' as he put it, BIT THROUGH A PINT GLASS and started chewing the shards.

That was it, I walked out, closely followed by what was left of my party, and never saw Neil, or Dull Lee, ever again.

As I explained this whole situation to Alec, over a year after my first encounter with 'Bambi' - he could only say this...

'I told you so'.

Yes, yes he did.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 19:12, 1 reply)

Haha
oh my this story is a clear warning against hard drugs and hard drinking containers. Styrofoam doesn't cut your mouth up so much.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Sat 1 Nov 2008, 15:51, closed)