crazy cat lady
we had an entrance to our car parking area/back yard that was down a narrow alley. the house directly to the left o f the alley was owned by an old lady we knew as 'crazy cat lady'
the house was montrsouly dilapidated, and FILLED with stray cats. no humans, just cats. daily, she would come and visit, bringing 2 shopping bags full of tinned cat food, go in, and come out. she always wore this weird sherlock holmes-esque deerstalker in tatty tweed, a pair of stout granny boots, and a big grey felt duffel coat. mad mop of grey hair like wire wool..
she was a freakin DEMON! she'd regularly lie in wait for us, telling us the bins we'd put out last week were 'blocking access to the house and making it look disreputable'
they were in front of the wall outside the house,, at her age i doubt she'd be vaulting in over the wall and throguh thr front window.. whyich was boarded up any how. she'd then complain about the CONTENTS of the bin... saying it smelt bad and so on..
(this was a little hypocritical.. one night we had too much rubbish for our bin after a party so i was looking for a bin to ditch a spare bag.. her bin was brim-full, and we're talking a big wheelie bin, BRIM full of cat shit and flies.) one time i came home from work, she leapt out of the ivy bush in a dark alley and started belabouring me with an ampty bag-on-wheels screaming she knew i was kicking the door and frightening her cats.. i asked when, and she said 'just now!' no amount of explaining i was still in my work clothes, out of breath, and had literally just got home would dissuade her from my assault.

i also remember her cornering me at 6am once, on ym way TO work to tell me at length how she 'knew exactly what we were up to and she was NOT going to take it lying down. when i asked her what we were up to then, she replied 'oh you'd LOVE to know'

what the fuck?
last i saw of her was when we moved out, she was standing outside the house shouting 'thomas!! thomas! oh i WISh you wouldn't always do this when we've got company! DO come in and stop being so silly'

mad as a bag of wasps in a salad spinner.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sat 1 Nov 2008, 18:03, 8 replies)

My Heroine!
I had long planned to becoming a crazy cat lady just like this one.

Unfortunately I got knocked up in my late 20's so am now destined to be a sweet old grandmother. Damn.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 1 Nov 2008, 23:30, closed)

Me Too!
I soooo want to be a crazy old cat lady.

I've got plenty of years to practice yet. In preparation for creepy-old-womanness I only cut my hair once a year (I psyche myself up for a pruning once a year in Spring) and it's almost down to my bum now.

I want my hair to be totally silver and down to my feet in the next 20 years or so.

I will then carry an umbrella in all weather and a peculiar smelling, tatty wheely bag thing and make it my life's work to scare the crap out of all the neighbourhood kids.

My hero is the witch from that unfortunate Robin Hood movie a few years back. She and Alan Rickman stole the whole show.
(Que?, Sun 2 Nov 2008, 0:22, closed)

Oh you lucky lucky girl!
I had only ever prepared by collecting 2 cats and practicing a menacing cackle.

I do have 3 wheely baskets though.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 2 Nov 2008, 16:56, closed)

i now have an overwhelming urge
to put a bag of wasps in a salad spinner
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 2 Nov 2008, 1:30, closed)

do it!
i'll film it from a safe distance :D


she was a legend. i don't know what happened to her. she used to feed strays in the town centre too until they told her she couldn't leave big piles of cat meat and attract strays right in the middle of town centre where people eat lunch.
i imagine she's quite prepared to house them. i must admit i did wonder what the house was like inside.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 2 Nov 2008, 8:40, closed)

i don't like being stung.
i once got stung by a wasp.
on the arse.
it hurt a lot.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 21:59, closed)

when I was little
I accidentally stood on a european wasps's nest.
A horde of angry wasps stinging you is not good for a three year old.

Lucky I'm not allergic lol!!

And just as an aside - this woman sounds like a fucking legend :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 5 Nov 2008, 11:46, closed)

thomas
I was reading this a chuckling at how silly this cat woman sounds, then I read the last quote. I have definitely yelled this type of thing at my cats into the neighborhood on multiple occasions.
(b3kaMN, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 16:54, closed)