Manic Roommate Part 4
It was almost Christmas time, and as is the case in most dormitories, we were getting a bit nostalgic for childhood Christmas specials. As this was before the advent of VCRs (or rather, when they were still new technology) and well before YouTube and the like, you had to wait until they came on TV- and they were only played once. So we decided to have a Grinch party.

Off we trooped to the liquor store, every one of us getting a bottle of whatever rotgut we preferred, and met in the lounge at 7:00. I had a bottle of brandy and K.O. opted for Southern Comfort.

We sat there for two hours, drinking and watching the Grinch and Charlie Brown and Rudolph and Frosty, and I put down probably close to a pint of brandy. K.O. had downed about the same amount of bourbon by this point. And yet we were both completely sober.

The last show ended and I looked over at K.O. "Want to go down to the Fort and get a beer?"

"Sure." We grabbed our coats and headed down the hall.

What neither of us had realized was that sitting still like that, the alcohol hadn't really been absorbed into our systems. But once we started to move-

When we reached the stairs at the end of the hall I felt a faint buzz. When we got to the bottom of the stairs I felt a strong buzz. When we got twenty feet from the dorm I felt quite merry indeed. When we had gone a hundred feet we were both blasted.

My memory of the trip across campus is rather jumbled. I do, however, recall K.O. climbing a fire escape on one of the old buildings and going up onto the slate roof in the snow storm, and having to climb up there to get him down.

I also remember him spotting the bell in front of the church and grabbing a rock and beating it.

We made it to the Fort, got our beers, then got separated. I drank mine, found that suddenly it didn't taste good anymore, and decided it was time to go back to bed.

I got to my dorm and the dorm director stopped me in the hall. "Look, do me a favor, okay? Your roommate is upstairs and is very drunk. Can you keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't do anything else stupid?"

"Sure, Don." I smiled, realizing the irony as I was probably far worse off than K.O., and went to my room. I remember noting that he was there and passed out on his bed, then I climbed into mine and was out.

The next morning I woke up with a slight hangover, but nothing too bad. I heard a groan from across the room. "Morning, K.O.!" I said in an artificially cheerful voice. "How do you feel today? Wanna go get some breakfast?"

"Fuck you. Think I'm gonna die."

I gave a sadistic chuckle and sat up- and noticed a large traffic sign leaning against the wall, still on its steel post. "What the fuck-"

There was a knock at the door and I yelled to come in, and the dorm director entered. "Morning, gentlemen."

K.O. sat up and grabbed his glasses and tried to focus, an apprehensive expression on his face as he realized who was standing over him. "Uhhhh-"

Don looked over the sign post. "I'll bet your shoulder is sore from carrying that thing up three stories. It's going to be even worse after you carry it back to where it came from."

K.O. groaned. "Okay, just let me get a shower first... How much trouble am I in, Don?"

Don's stern expression finally cracked and he burst out laughing. "Man, that was the funniest thing I've seen in years! You were colliding with both walls in the hallway, dragging that thing like Jesus with the cross!" He chuckled again. "Just get rid of it by lunch time, okay? And don't let Security see you." He left, still laughing.

I looked at K.O. He looked at me. He opened the window and together we flung it out as far as we could.

It made a nice SPANNGGG! as it hit.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 3 Nov 2008, 14:08, 1 reply)

If you drink a pint of spirit
It just sits there in your stomach for an hour or so. The spyncter at the bottom of your stomach clamps shut for as long as it can as a defense mechanism.

*This is a good time to throw up*

Eventually the small amount of alcohol absorbed by the stomach is sufficient to loosen the spyncter and it all goes directly through the small to the large intestine. At this point you might as well have injected it into your blood stream.

Hilarity ensues, or death, or the shits or all of the above.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 4 Nov 2008, 11:15, closed)