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This is a question Eccentrics

We all know someone who's a little bit strange - Mum's UFO abduction secret, or the mad Uncle who isn't allowed within 400 yards of Noel Edmonds.

Tell us about your family eccentrics, or just those you've met but don't think you're related to.

(Suggested by sugar_tits)

(, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 19:08)
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Eccentric? You decide
As a child, I would amputate my Action Man's limbs and construct prosthetic ones to replace them. While other Action Men rappelled from helicopters, mine underwent physiotherapy and counselling.

While most young boys find it amusing to wear their sister's underwear occasionally, I wore my sister's all the time to school. When one day I shat my pants and had to go to the nurse, she was more shocked by the My Little Pony briefs than by the vast turdulous slug therein.

Euthanasia is pretty much frowned upon, but I helped my grandad to die by reversing over him in a tractor. He hadn't specifically asked me to, but it was implicit in the way he jigged about manically, and due to my young age I could not be prosecuted.

School mostly passed me by. All those lessons just blended into each other, so I'd sing to myself in an otherwordly high-pitched screech and pretend that aliens were communicating with me by radio waves. Despite being expelled and put into an institution for the mentally ill, I kept it up just to fool my parents - who had put me up for adoption.

I empathise with the homeless, which is why I set fire to my flat, got fired and became homeless myself. When I told the other homeless people about it, they were downright abusive and stole my cider, the pikey bastards. Just to spite them, I invented a new piece of software and became grossly rich, choosing to live in a drained swimming pool in Sussex with nothing but a tarpaulin and a diet of digestives to keep me alive.

I could have quite happily remained a virgin, but I chose to pay for sex with a succession of middle-aged prostitutes who were neither attractive nor proficient. I did it just to spite myself.

Teenage parties were always an opportunity to drink yourself unconscious and have sex. But I printed Christian tracts and attended the parties dressed as a 19th century Baptist preacher, handing out the tracts and speaking in tongues. When beaten almost into a coma, I recited the Old Testament.

Taking pot shots at people from a centrally located city rooftop is considered illegal in most civilised countries, but I couldn't resist when I found a WWII rifle in my dead granddad's shed. I got three nuns and a juggler before they dragged me screaming from the place.
(, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 16:27, 5 replies)
Yeah, but
aren't digestives bad for you?
(, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 16:47, closed)
Ah, Frank
You so craaaaaazy.
(, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 18:54, closed)
permission please
to have this etched onto my gravestone?
(, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 21:10, closed)
I got three nuns and a juggler before they dragged me screaming from the place.
I clicked you mainly for this line alone, but also for the middle aged prostitutes.

You could write a witty book with material like that.
(, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 0:53, closed)
As the daughter of an ugly 40-something hooker who was really lousy at her job, I have to say:
Is that you daddy?
(, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 2:08, closed)

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