No sex involved, but my friends and family find this hilarious.
About a month ago, mum was out visiting me so I took her down to San Diego. After spending a merry day getting drunk, we went for dinner then onto a "duelling pianos" bar where my friend worked.
I'm sat there quite happily swinging my legs in time to the music when I whacked my sandal shod foot on the barstool in front of me.

"Whimper" I went. Mum laughed and laughed until I stood up and fell down. We looked at my foot - it was black and looked like a balloon.
One pissed up trip to the emergency room later - where mum was bouncing me off the walls in the wheelchair and I'd made 2 cops pose for a picture - turns out to be just badly bruised. But it doesn't end there.
The next morning, I woke up hungover as all hell and in that state forgot about my foot. Stood up, screamed, fell down again. Managed to hobble to the bathroom, get a bath etc. Blow drying my hair, I then proceeded to drop the hairdryer on my foot! More screaming ensues, and even though it's only 9am mum is laughing her ass off and hands me a brandy.
At lunch that day, the fucking waitress dropped her tray of drinks all over my foot!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 3 Sep 2004, 19:14, Reply)