Almost put my eye out...
I was in the back yard of my house, cutting up old dead branches to a length small enough to fit into the fire pit. I had a log I was using for a chopping block, and my method was to hold the axe with my right hand while holding the branch with my left. Two chops to make a notch, then turn the branch over to hit the back of the notch and crack it in two.

My son was there and asked me a question. I answered, and the blow to crack the branch was a bit harder than it should have been. Eighteen inches of branch whip around, separate from the rest and strike end first into the outer end of my right eyebrow.

I said a few very bad things, then went inside to find my wife who was getting ready to go to work in the ER at the hospital. She sees me and freaks out (fucking great thing for an ER nurse to do), and insists that rather than go to the hospital three miles away I go with her across the city to work. I told her that if she wasn't going to drive me to the near one, that I would drive myself. She freaks out more and starts howling that I'm in no shape to drive, to which I replied "Oh, and you are?"

Meanwhile my son is following me around, cleaning up the blood I'm dripping on the floor.

I ended up driving myself, and had a huge ugly wound to show everyone for Halloween. And a month later I realized what that dark spot was that hurt in the middle of the wound, and removed a 1/4" splinter that the doctor had missed.

Never marry a nurse.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 7 Sep 2004, 7:48, Reply)