Knees ? Fuckem,
Picture the scene, a bright summers day in 1977 and a group of happy children are playing hide and seek in the back garden of one of the chums.

I hide, I hide in a subtle and clever place. Amongst the broken bits of wood and discarded garden fence behind the greenhouse. Which being made of glass is no bloody hiding place at all.
That said it still took the idiot hunting for us some while to find me whilst I stood there making faces against the glass and sniggering.

Having been discovered I was expected to make a dash for the safe zone (or whatever we called it back then) whilst idiot boy chased me. A plan which I executed perfect until the second footstep.
This was the 70's and bad platforms were greatly in vogue, I was wearing shoes with soles thick enogh not to notice that I'd stood on a plank with the nails uppermost. In one sense I got lucky, I didn't drive three rusty nails ino the sole of my foot. In another sense I was royally fucked since I was suddenly trying to run with a plank nailed to my foot.
Cue a massive and unexpected change of direction and the sound of shattering glass as I fell sideways through the wall of the greenhouse, utterly destroying a stand of prize tomatoes and slicing my right kneecap almost entirely off.

It didn't hurt, it didn't even bleed immediately. It just sat there for about 60 seconds whilst I stared at the internal anatomy of my kneejoint, did the post traumatic inventory and decided that I was still alive, mostly Ok, and really wanted to go home to me mum. As soon as I stood up the blood began to flow. Pouring down my leg, leaving a nasty trail from one end of my mate's garden, across the road, and making a big mess on the front step of my house.
Mother just lost the plot, next door neighbours drove me to the hospital where a nurse picked the bright glittering bits of broken glass out of my knee with an expression I can only describe as "pale". I still felt no pain, shock is a great anasthetic...
Surgery, Physio, more surgery and the resiliance of small children mean I can walk almost normally these days.
Still didn't dare tell anyone I'd been fuckwitted enough to hide behind a greenhouse.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 7 Sep 2004, 19:46, Reply)